Rhonda's mom

Member for
11 years · 11 months · 17 days
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We have just gone thru the worst 8 years of our lives. We have lost grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents and even 2 siblings. Loosing a child is the worst.
I can now let go of the unimaginable idea that our daughter would come back alive and all this would have been a bad dream. I must be crazy to even think such an idea.
I've learned thru all this, that there are two types of pain when you loose someone so special. There is "grief". The time that just overcomes you, sucks all the breath from your lungs, your heart stops and there is no end to the tears.
Then there is "mourning". That is the dull, lost, ache, anger, disorganized life that you feel all the rest of the time. AND "grief" can show his ugly head again, when you least expect it. A memory, a song, a picture, a smell, or someone that looks like her can trigger it, and doesn't matter if I'm in a store, riding in the car, in a resturant, or out with friends. Nothing can stop it from over taking me.
I was recently working in the garden when "grief" paid a visit. I grabbed a shovel and beat the living crap out of a lilac bush. The shovel gave me power. I didn't want to be the woman that lost a beautiful daughter. I hated the world and everything in it. I even questioned my faith. I was exhausted yet felt empowered. I knew I HAD to make changes. I HAD to learn to breathe again. I HAD to learn to LIVE until God called ME home to be with her again. I'll live, just not sure about the lilac bush. Shirley, Rhonda's mom.

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