Deborah ( Lamoni ) Jenkins

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6 years · 5 months · 9 days
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My madien name is Lamoni , born in Blythe Calif.
I have a family tree on ~ The Lamoni Jenkins family connection .

Just a few names that I am researching !
My family ; Lamoni , Zanarini , Corsini, Rhodes, Davis, Walpole and Hartman
My Husbands ; Jenkins ,Spencer, Norris and Cox
Inlaws from my children ; Escue , Von Lossberg,
Stracener , Towery , Nelson , Sackhiem and Visser


Dear Ancestor
Your tombstone stands among the rest;
neglected and alone
The name and date are chiseled out
on polished, marbled stone
It reaches out to all who care
It is too late to mourn
You did not know that I'd exist
You died and I was born.
Yet each of us are cells of you
in flesh, in blood, in bone.
Our blood contracts and beats a pulse
entirely not our own.
Dear Ancestor, the place you filled
one hundred years ago
Spreads out among the ones you left
who would have loved you so.
I wonder if you lived and loved,
I wonder if you knew
That someday I would find this spot,
and come to visit you.
-Author Unknown


What is normal?

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile because our loved ones are missing from all the important events in your family's life.

Normal is trying to decide what to take to put on their grave that they would have loved.

Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore.

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.

Normal is thinking of the accident continuously through your mind, wondering if they suffered or was in pain.

Normal is thinking of every happy event in life they will miss and we will see knowing they will not share it with us, breaks my heart.

Normal is talking of their death and trying to keep from crying each time I say "died" because I still don't believe it. And yet realizing it has
become a part of your "normal."

Normal is thinking of first year without them coming up with the difficult task of how to honor their memory and birthday and how you are going to survive these days. And trying to find a way to get thru these occasion without them.

Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special they loved. Thinking how they would have loved it, but how they are not here to enjoy it.

Normal is having some people afraid to mention their name. Normal is making sure that others remember them.

Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.

Normal is weeks, and months after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.

Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have suffered a loss. Nothing compares.
Even if your loved one was alive and away in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare.

Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.

Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.

Normal is realizing you do cry every day and night just so you won't cry when your at work or doing every day tasks.

Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how I feel with Friends hoping they will understand how I feel everyday.

Normal is listening to people make excuses why they did not come and see me or how they could not make it at the time of the funeral and me thinking "it doesn't matter anymore".

I know my loved ones are in "a better place," but hearing people trying to think up reasons as to why it was them that was taken from this earth, makes absolutely no sense to me.

Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.

Normal is wondering this time whether I'm going to say I have four children or three children, because explaining that my child has died to someone is the hardest thing for me to say.

Normal is asking god why he took your child's life instead of mine and asking if there even is a God.

Normal is knowing in your heart you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years.

Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know if you say "only bringing back my loved one back from the dead could possibly make me better." But saying this will make you look insane.

Normal is learning to lie to everyone you run in to and telling them you are fine and ok when they ask "How are you" or say "you look good" . You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you start crying. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better — ever.

And last of all…Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to
feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."


Those We Love Don't Go Away,
They Walk Beside Us Every Day,
Unseen, Unheard, But Always Near,
Still Loved, Still Missed And Very Dear.


They continue to live in our hearts, in our memories, in Heaven.


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