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UPDATE: I am receiving your emails. I want to return to FAG ASAP. But I've been derailed by my husband's death. Jan 10, 2018

My husband of 18 years passed away at 53 on Feb 20, 2016. Shock! Surprise! The underlying cause was hypertension, the silent killer....that's the truth. His only symptom was fatigue. Anyone with high blood pressure, not feeling well at all, see your doctor and get a CT scan or an MRI (not an x-ray). These can reveal an cardiac tamponade caused by torn aortic disection. That is: the heart sack fills with blood and crushes the heart.

HOPE for all dear grieving people - for all reasons.

There is a book I highly recommend; or may I say require. Dr. James C. Dobson, "When God Doesn't Make Sense" 2013, Tyndale House Publisher's, Inc. Even as a Christian of 33 years with great faith in Christ, I had lived in gripping fear that Christ would allow me also to be murdered, in my own home, as he did Linda a friend and neighbor. She was also a young mother of two small children.

I had to know WHY. Constantly I begged God to tell me "Why?" did she die that way? I pleaded that he give my soul rest from the mystery and explain it all to me. Why wasn't He answering me? If only I knew the reason, I was sure I would live free from fear.

One sunny afternoon on my patio, after praying "why?" for 33 years without an answer, there on page 88 in the book "I happened to be reading", was the entire answer. In the middle of page 88 was God's answer to me.

I was about to be set free from the mental anguish. It occurred in a way I really didn't expect and the answer was not what I expected.

Quote from page 88, "Probably the most important thing I learned in this entire process is this: I became deeply aware that there were TWO CHOICES that were only up to me to make: One was to continue in my anger from frustration at God and follow the path of miserable despair I was on. The other choice was, to think upon this...His [God's] ways are not always what we would do.... I must chose my personal freedom by only this: TO LET GOD BE GOD! Remember what I always knew: only God knows and " sometimes" its better we don't know. I don't know how all this fits together. But I decided to let God be God. I will never understand all the reasons nor how it all fits together."

I felt a 100,000 pounds weight lift from my shoulders when I too made the decision to let God be God. And leave it at that! Oh that indescribable peace that flooded my soul was like a drink of fresh, cold water. "Let God be God."

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