Chris P. Bacon

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Bakin Bacon is what I live for. Bacon saved my life. Once I tried to marry a pound of bacon. Is there bacon in heaven? I deep fat fry bacon to add to my bacon and tomato sandwich. Bacon on bacon, a cool dual combo.

I bought my wife bacon flavored lipstick. Kissing her now is a repeat offense. No KMA is my family. It is kiss my lips!

I think of little piglets as bacon tater tots. Imagine going to the golden arches and getting a quarter pound of bacon with extra cheese, served on a sesame seed bun? Awesome!

If you smell bacon, look for me. I might be just around the corner.

When I was a little piglet, mom would save the bacon grease until she had enough to make bacon grease milkshakes. To die for! Those were the days my piglet friends.

Biggest compliment in my family was to be told you ate like a pig. Mom used to read we piglets stories at night about the 3 little pigs. We went wee wee to sleep after hearing about our cousins.

I always preferred dating fat girls as I found they fed me better when I visited their homes. It was like an all you could eat buffet. Not true for the skinny gals in the neighborhood. Dating them meant stopping by the drive-in on the way home for a porketta and fries dipped in bacon grease.

Did I ever tell you that I was hooked on pork and beans until I found out my cousin Louie was featured in a Bushes Commercial. Him being the pork in the beans.

My aunt Verdetta, was a vegan in the family. Needless to say, no pork, no respect in our family. We ignored poor gal and made her stand in the garden. We all hung out in the barnyard.

Did I ever tell you about my cousin Leo. What a boar! The ladies seemed to like Leo. My cousin would squeal with delight when he came home from a Saturday night on the farm.

If you don't enjoy my humor, I am soweeee!


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