(Updated October 20th 2017)
36 years old,and I have, 4 children. I was married for 18 years, it ended up not working out for various reasons(which I will not post publicly online), and we ended up getting separated/divorced. After that point, I met the love of my life, my precious blue eyes;, as I so affectionately used to call him, Scott in 2013. Scott was my everything,I loved him with every fiber of my being, we were always attached at the hip. During the first two years of our relationship, it was a long-distance one because he was in Maryland and I was in Virginia but he came to visit me as often as he could , and vice versa. The final two years of our relationship , most of it I spent with him in Maryland when me and my youngest son moved up there with him . We finally saved enough money to be able to move back to Virginia. we were barely in our new place 2 months, when my whole world was turned upside down........He was so wonderful to all my children, but had a very close special bond with my youngest son. He actually called him daddy Scott, and you just could not tell Scott that that was not his son lol. DNA did not matter, that was his boy, and he spoiled him rotten. I will always remember how it felt to watch them interact with each other. it truly filled my heart with such a joy that's just indescribable. they were honestly incredibly sweet together. One memory that stands out for me is when my son and Scott were curled up on the bed, snuggled under the covers watching Happy Days on the TV LOL. Scott had just got done with a chemo treatment earlier that morning, and he was getting incredibly sick. so my son took it upon himself to try and make Daddy Scott feel a little bit better, and honestly it appeared to be working. they were having just the most wonderful time. I/we unfortunately lost him to colon cancer, that spread to his liver, and ultimately his lungs in early October of 2017. The early morning hours of October 2nd 2017, was honestly the worst day of my entire life. I never could imagine my life without this person by my side, and yet that's exactly what I am going through. I am going through life day to day without him. I went through one of the deepest darkest depression's I've ever experienced, and it took every ounce of strength I had Within to pull myself out of the dark hole that I had slipped into. Many people ,friends, and family, have come into my life since then, and helped me regain a semblance of the person I used to be before that tragedy hit my life. I'm honestly not completely back yet, and I can say that with all truthfulness and honesty. I'm trying, I'm trying everyday, my fights not done and no I have not given up. But I won't lie, the day that Scott died, he took a piece of my heart with him . I miss him every second of every day. We were going to be married in late 2018, but unfortunately we never made it that far. We even talked about the possibility of having a baby at some point. If it would have ended up being a boy we picked out the name Scott William, that way the baby would have been named after him and his father. Makes me sad that those things will never come to fruition for us. Memories that never had a chance to be made. All of those hopes and dreams died along with him on that early October morning. I have his ashes on my dresser. I know it might sound weird to some, but it brings me comfort to have them/him close. I still talk to him, and I swear sometimes I think I can sense/feel him near me. We only part to eventually meet again. I look forward to that reunion.