Ben Dillingham was one of the first openly gay power brokers in San Diego, a City Hall insider who cleared the path for pioneering local and state office-holders.
"Until we all come out of the closet," he once said, "it will not be safe for any of us."
Mr. Dillingham died Thursday at his San Diego home from pancreatic cancer. He was 72.
"He was the lodestar for those of us aspiring to serve in politics," said San Diego state senator Toni Atkins, who in 2014 became the first lesbian speaker of the state assembly.
Mr. Dillingham became the top aide for Mayor Maureen O'Connor after her election in 1986, and soon was "a beacon" to others, according to Christine Kehoe, a City Hall staffer elected to the City Council in 1993, the first acknowledged gay elected official in city history and later a state legislator.
"He was a role model," Kehoe said in a statement. "Ben never lost his Marine bearing, no matter what controversy swept through his office."
Mr. Dillingham later became a leader in community organizations dedicated to LGBT rights and to the fight against AIDS, which claimed the lives of three of his partners.
"Whether with private and extraordinary notes of encouragement to community members, or with powerful and incisive and insistent truths spoken to powerful officials, he has been the community's courageous champion for justice, for truth and for dignity," Delores Jacobs, CEO of the San Diego LGBT Community Center, said in a statement.
Benjamin Franklin Dillingham III was born on May 23, 1945 in Honolulu, the descendant of a wealthy railroad and construction family.
He went to boarding school in Massachusetts and then to Harvard, where he got a degree in economics and an MBA.
During the Vietnam War, he served in the Marines as a reconnaissance platoon leader and was awarded a Bronze Star. He continued his military career at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, eventually retiring after eight years as a captain.
He went to work for General Dynamics and then became the chief financial officer for the Metropolitan Transit Development Board, which is where he met O'Connor.
In a statement, the former mayor called him "a dear friend and soul mate for over 35 years" and said his contributions to the community "are dwarfed only by his humility."
As O'Connor's gatekeeper, Mr. Dillingham had a reputation for toughness in his dealings with people trying to win the mayor's favor on various issues.
But he also was loyal to his co-workers, once taking a cut in pay so that others in the office could get raises.
"I can still keep my image as an SOB," he told a reporter at the time. "If I'm really a pussycat, that's between me and God and maybe it will help me get into heaven."
He served on the boards of numerous community organizations, including the San Diego AIDS project; AIDS Foundation San Diego; San Diego Human Dignity Foundation; and Episcopal Community Services. He was an active member of the Metropolitan Community Church.
Among his many honors: grand marshal of the Pride parade, the Harvey Milk Civil Rights Award, and the Crystal Torch from the Human Rights Campaign. The Veterans Wall at the LGBT Community Center is co-named after him.
"Ben was truly one of a kind," county Supervisor Ron Roberts said in a statement, "a dedicated, principled and driven man whose tireless work ethic was unmatched, and whose generosity to our community and loyalty to friends were endless and unwavering."
Mr. Dillingham's survivors include his mother, Mrs. Andrew Dillingham; sisters Ceseli Foster and Lorie Rosenwald; and brother Henry Dillingham II.
~ published in the the San Diego UT
_________________________________
Benjamin Franklin Dillingham Ill was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on May 23, 1945, the son of Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin F. Dillingham II. A fifth generation descendent of New England missionaries to the Hawaiian Islands, he attended Punahou School in Honolulu, and later St. Mark's School in Southborough, Massachusetts. He holds the distinction of being the first sports manager ever named to the St. Mark's School Athletic Hall of Fame.
Ben attended Harvard College, where he majored in Economics and managed teams in football, hockey and lacrosse, graduating Cum Laude in 1967. He earned six letters in athletics and was Vice President of the A. D. Club. Ben then pursued an MBA at the Harvard Business School. With his MBA in hand, Ben became a commissioned officer in the United States Marine Corps. He received the Bronze Star Medal with Combat "V" for his service in Vietnam. Additionally, Ben was awarded the Army Commendation Medal for his work on the XM-1 Main Battle Tank. After serving eight years, and with the rank of Captain, he returned to civilian life in San Diego. After several years at General Dynamics, Ben became the Chief Financial Officer for the San Diego Metropolitan Transit Development Board. Under his stewardship, the first light-rail transit system was established in San Diego.
In 1986, Ben became Chief of Staff to San Diego Mayor Maureen O'Connor, and after she left office, continued to manage her affairs.
Ben shared his life with three life partners - first, Donnis Grady Whorton, then Fredrick Stann Libby, and finally,Johnny Richard Beck. Each lost his battle with AIDS.
Throughout his life and through these relationships, Ben was an influential community leader, and a strong advocate of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) rights.
Ben served with distinction on many charitable Boards of Directors over the years, including the San Diego AIDS Project, AIDS Foundation San Diego, San Diego Human Dignity Foundation, and Episcopal Community Services. Ben was also a member of the San Diego County Veterans Advisory Council and Chair of the San Diego County Treasury Oversight Committee.
Ben was repeatedly recognized for outstanding community service. He was the San Diego LGBT Pride Grand Marshall and Man of the Year. He also received the Harvey Milk Memorial Award, the Human Rights Award, the Crystal Torch Award from the Human Rights Campaign, the Episcopal Community Services Award for Social Justice, and the Humanitarian Award from the City of San Diego Human Relations Committee.
As a measure of the high esteem in which he was held within the community, the LGBT Veterans Wall of in the San Diego LGBT Community Center was co-named for him. There is today a Benjamin F. Dillingham Ill LGBT Leadership Award and the Ben F. Dillingham Community Fund.
Ben passed away at home from pancreatic cancer on November 16, 2017. He is survived by his mother, Mrs. Andrews Dillingham, his sister Mrs. Hugh Watts (Ceseli) Foster, his brother Henry Gaylord Dillingham II and his sister Mrs. Stuart Harold (Lorie) Rosenwald, treasured in-laws, delightful nieces and nephews and their offspring, and many good friends and colleagues.
Ben was noted for his iron integrity, generosity of spirit, and dedication to the city of San Diego and the LGBT community. His loss will be felt by many, and he will be remembered for having lived a varied, accomplished, and committed life.
"Until we all come out of the closet," he once said, "it will not be safe for any of us."
Mr. Dillingham died Thursday at his San Diego home from pancreatic cancer. He was 72.
"He was the lodestar for those of us aspiring to serve in politics," said San Diego state senator Toni Atkins, who in 2014 became the first lesbian speaker of the state assembly.
Mr. Dillingham became the top aide for Mayor Maureen O'Connor after her election in 1986, and soon was "a beacon" to others, according to Christine Kehoe, a City Hall staffer elected to the City Council in 1993, the first acknowledged gay elected official in city history and later a state legislator.
"He was a role model," Kehoe said in a statement. "Ben never lost his Marine bearing, no matter what controversy swept through his office."
Mr. Dillingham later became a leader in community organizations dedicated to LGBT rights and to the fight against AIDS, which claimed the lives of three of his partners.
"Whether with private and extraordinary notes of encouragement to community members, or with powerful and incisive and insistent truths spoken to powerful officials, he has been the community's courageous champion for justice, for truth and for dignity," Delores Jacobs, CEO of the San Diego LGBT Community Center, said in a statement.
Benjamin Franklin Dillingham III was born on May 23, 1945 in Honolulu, the descendant of a wealthy railroad and construction family.
He went to boarding school in Massachusetts and then to Harvard, where he got a degree in economics and an MBA.
During the Vietnam War, he served in the Marines as a reconnaissance platoon leader and was awarded a Bronze Star. He continued his military career at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, eventually retiring after eight years as a captain.
He went to work for General Dynamics and then became the chief financial officer for the Metropolitan Transit Development Board, which is where he met O'Connor.
In a statement, the former mayor called him "a dear friend and soul mate for over 35 years" and said his contributions to the community "are dwarfed only by his humility."
As O'Connor's gatekeeper, Mr. Dillingham had a reputation for toughness in his dealings with people trying to win the mayor's favor on various issues.
But he also was loyal to his co-workers, once taking a cut in pay so that others in the office could get raises.
"I can still keep my image as an SOB," he told a reporter at the time. "If I'm really a pussycat, that's between me and God and maybe it will help me get into heaven."
He served on the boards of numerous community organizations, including the San Diego AIDS project; AIDS Foundation San Diego; San Diego Human Dignity Foundation; and Episcopal Community Services. He was an active member of the Metropolitan Community Church.
Among his many honors: grand marshal of the Pride parade, the Harvey Milk Civil Rights Award, and the Crystal Torch from the Human Rights Campaign. The Veterans Wall at the LGBT Community Center is co-named after him.
"Ben was truly one of a kind," county Supervisor Ron Roberts said in a statement, "a dedicated, principled and driven man whose tireless work ethic was unmatched, and whose generosity to our community and loyalty to friends were endless and unwavering."
Mr. Dillingham's survivors include his mother, Mrs. Andrew Dillingham; sisters Ceseli Foster and Lorie Rosenwald; and brother Henry Dillingham II.
~ published in the the San Diego UT
_________________________________
Benjamin Franklin Dillingham Ill was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on May 23, 1945, the son of Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin F. Dillingham II. A fifth generation descendent of New England missionaries to the Hawaiian Islands, he attended Punahou School in Honolulu, and later St. Mark's School in Southborough, Massachusetts. He holds the distinction of being the first sports manager ever named to the St. Mark's School Athletic Hall of Fame.
Ben attended Harvard College, where he majored in Economics and managed teams in football, hockey and lacrosse, graduating Cum Laude in 1967. He earned six letters in athletics and was Vice President of the A. D. Club. Ben then pursued an MBA at the Harvard Business School. With his MBA in hand, Ben became a commissioned officer in the United States Marine Corps. He received the Bronze Star Medal with Combat "V" for his service in Vietnam. Additionally, Ben was awarded the Army Commendation Medal for his work on the XM-1 Main Battle Tank. After serving eight years, and with the rank of Captain, he returned to civilian life in San Diego. After several years at General Dynamics, Ben became the Chief Financial Officer for the San Diego Metropolitan Transit Development Board. Under his stewardship, the first light-rail transit system was established in San Diego.
In 1986, Ben became Chief of Staff to San Diego Mayor Maureen O'Connor, and after she left office, continued to manage her affairs.
Ben shared his life with three life partners - first, Donnis Grady Whorton, then Fredrick Stann Libby, and finally,Johnny Richard Beck. Each lost his battle with AIDS.
Throughout his life and through these relationships, Ben was an influential community leader, and a strong advocate of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) rights.
Ben served with distinction on many charitable Boards of Directors over the years, including the San Diego AIDS Project, AIDS Foundation San Diego, San Diego Human Dignity Foundation, and Episcopal Community Services. Ben was also a member of the San Diego County Veterans Advisory Council and Chair of the San Diego County Treasury Oversight Committee.
Ben was repeatedly recognized for outstanding community service. He was the San Diego LGBT Pride Grand Marshall and Man of the Year. He also received the Harvey Milk Memorial Award, the Human Rights Award, the Crystal Torch Award from the Human Rights Campaign, the Episcopal Community Services Award for Social Justice, and the Humanitarian Award from the City of San Diego Human Relations Committee.
As a measure of the high esteem in which he was held within the community, the LGBT Veterans Wall of in the San Diego LGBT Community Center was co-named for him. There is today a Benjamin F. Dillingham Ill LGBT Leadership Award and the Ben F. Dillingham Community Fund.
Ben passed away at home from pancreatic cancer on November 16, 2017. He is survived by his mother, Mrs. Andrews Dillingham, his sister Mrs. Hugh Watts (Ceseli) Foster, his brother Henry Gaylord Dillingham II and his sister Mrs. Stuart Harold (Lorie) Rosenwald, treasured in-laws, delightful nieces and nephews and their offspring, and many good friends and colleagues.
Ben was noted for his iron integrity, generosity of spirit, and dedication to the city of San Diego and the LGBT community. His loss will be felt by many, and he will be remembered for having lived a varied, accomplished, and committed life.
Ben Dillingham was one of the first openly gay power brokers in San Diego, a City Hall insider who cleared the path for pioneering local and state office-holders.
"Until we all come out of the closet," he once said, "it will not be safe for any of us."
Mr. Dillingham died Thursday at his San Diego home from pancreatic cancer. He was 72.
"He was the lodestar for those of us aspiring to serve in politics," said San Diego state senator Toni Atkins, who in 2014 became the first lesbian speaker of the state assembly.
Mr. Dillingham became the top aide for Mayor Maureen O'Connor after her election in 1986, and soon was "a beacon" to others, according to Christine Kehoe, a City Hall staffer elected to the City Council in 1993, the first acknowledged gay elected official in city history and later a state legislator.
"He was a role model," Kehoe said in a statement. "Ben never lost his Marine bearing, no matter what controversy swept through his office."
Mr. Dillingham later became a leader in community organizations dedicated to LGBT rights and to the fight against AIDS, which claimed the lives of three of his partners.
"Whether with private and extraordinary notes of encouragement to community members, or with powerful and incisive and insistent truths spoken to powerful officials, he has been the community's courageous champion for justice, for truth and for dignity," Delores Jacobs, CEO of the San Diego LGBT Community Center, said in a statement.
Benjamin Franklin Dillingham III was born on May 23, 1945 in Honolulu, the descendant of a wealthy railroad and construction family.
He went to boarding school in Massachusetts and then to Harvard, where he got a degree in economics and an MBA.
During the Vietnam War, he served in the Marines as a reconnaissance platoon leader and was awarded a Bronze Star. He continued his military career at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, eventually retiring after eight years as a captain.
He went to work for General Dynamics and then became the chief financial officer for the Metropolitan Transit Development Board, which is where he met O'Connor.
In a statement, the former mayor called him "a dear friend and soul mate for over 35 years" and said his contributions to the community "are dwarfed only by his humility."
As O'Connor's gatekeeper, Mr. Dillingham had a reputation for toughness in his dealings with people trying to win the mayor's favor on various issues.
But he also was loyal to his co-workers, once taking a cut in pay so that others in the office could get raises.
"I can still keep my image as an SOB," he told a reporter at the time. "If I'm really a pussycat, that's between me and God and maybe it will help me get into heaven."
He served on the boards of numerous community organizations, including the San Diego AIDS project; AIDS Foundation San Diego; San Diego Human Dignity Foundation; and Episcopal Community Services. He was an active member of the Metropolitan Community Church.
Among his many honors: grand marshal of the Pride parade, the Harvey Milk Civil Rights Award, and the Crystal Torch from the Human Rights Campaign. The Veterans Wall at the LGBT Community Center is co-named after him.
"Ben was truly one of a kind," county Supervisor Ron Roberts said in a statement, "a dedicated, principled and driven man whose tireless work ethic was unmatched, and whose generosity to our community and loyalty to friends were endless and unwavering."
Mr. Dillingham's survivors include his mother, Mrs. Andrew Dillingham; sisters Ceseli Foster and Lorie Rosenwald; and brother Henry Dillingham II.
~ published in the the San Diego UT
_________________________________
Benjamin Franklin Dillingham Ill was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on May 23, 1945, the son of Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin F. Dillingham II. A fifth generation descendent of New England missionaries to the Hawaiian Islands, he attended Punahou School in Honolulu, and later St. Mark's School in Southborough, Massachusetts. He holds the distinction of being the first sports manager ever named to the St. Mark's School Athletic Hall of Fame.
Ben attended Harvard College, where he majored in Economics and managed teams in football, hockey and lacrosse, graduating Cum Laude in 1967. He earned six letters in athletics and was Vice President of the A. D. Club. Ben then pursued an MBA at the Harvard Business School. With his MBA in hand, Ben became a commissioned officer in the United States Marine Corps. He received the Bronze Star Medal with Combat "V" for his service in Vietnam. Additionally, Ben was awarded the Army Commendation Medal for his work on the XM-1 Main Battle Tank. After serving eight years, and with the rank of Captain, he returned to civilian life in San Diego. After several years at General Dynamics, Ben became the Chief Financial Officer for the San Diego Metropolitan Transit Development Board. Under his stewardship, the first light-rail transit system was established in San Diego.
In 1986, Ben became Chief of Staff to San Diego Mayor Maureen O'Connor, and after she left office, continued to manage her affairs.
Ben shared his life with three life partners - first, Donnis Grady Whorton, then Fredrick Stann Libby, and finally,Johnny Richard Beck. Each lost his battle with AIDS.
Throughout his life and through these relationships, Ben was an influential community leader, and a strong advocate of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) rights.
Ben served with distinction on many charitable Boards of Directors over the years, including the San Diego AIDS Project, AIDS Foundation San Diego, San Diego Human Dignity Foundation, and Episcopal Community Services. Ben was also a member of the San Diego County Veterans Advisory Council and Chair of the San Diego County Treasury Oversight Committee.
Ben was repeatedly recognized for outstanding community service. He was the San Diego LGBT Pride Grand Marshall and Man of the Year. He also received the Harvey Milk Memorial Award, the Human Rights Award, the Crystal Torch Award from the Human Rights Campaign, the Episcopal Community Services Award for Social Justice, and the Humanitarian Award from the City of San Diego Human Relations Committee.
As a measure of the high esteem in which he was held within the community, the LGBT Veterans Wall of in the San Diego LGBT Community Center was co-named for him. There is today a Benjamin F. Dillingham Ill LGBT Leadership Award and the Ben F. Dillingham Community Fund.
Ben passed away at home from pancreatic cancer on November 16, 2017. He is survived by his mother, Mrs. Andrews Dillingham, his sister Mrs. Hugh Watts (Ceseli) Foster, his brother Henry Gaylord Dillingham II and his sister Mrs. Stuart Harold (Lorie) Rosenwald, treasured in-laws, delightful nieces and nephews and their offspring, and many good friends and colleagues.
Ben was noted for his iron integrity, generosity of spirit, and dedication to the city of San Diego and the LGBT community. His loss will be felt by many, and he will be remembered for having lived a varied, accomplished, and committed life.
"Until we all come out of the closet," he once said, "it will not be safe for any of us."
Mr. Dillingham died Thursday at his San Diego home from pancreatic cancer. He was 72.
"He was the lodestar for those of us aspiring to serve in politics," said San Diego state senator Toni Atkins, who in 2014 became the first lesbian speaker of the state assembly.
Mr. Dillingham became the top aide for Mayor Maureen O'Connor after her election in 1986, and soon was "a beacon" to others, according to Christine Kehoe, a City Hall staffer elected to the City Council in 1993, the first acknowledged gay elected official in city history and later a state legislator.
"He was a role model," Kehoe said in a statement. "Ben never lost his Marine bearing, no matter what controversy swept through his office."
Mr. Dillingham later became a leader in community organizations dedicated to LGBT rights and to the fight against AIDS, which claimed the lives of three of his partners.
"Whether with private and extraordinary notes of encouragement to community members, or with powerful and incisive and insistent truths spoken to powerful officials, he has been the community's courageous champion for justice, for truth and for dignity," Delores Jacobs, CEO of the San Diego LGBT Community Center, said in a statement.
Benjamin Franklin Dillingham III was born on May 23, 1945 in Honolulu, the descendant of a wealthy railroad and construction family.
He went to boarding school in Massachusetts and then to Harvard, where he got a degree in economics and an MBA.
During the Vietnam War, he served in the Marines as a reconnaissance platoon leader and was awarded a Bronze Star. He continued his military career at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, eventually retiring after eight years as a captain.
He went to work for General Dynamics and then became the chief financial officer for the Metropolitan Transit Development Board, which is where he met O'Connor.
In a statement, the former mayor called him "a dear friend and soul mate for over 35 years" and said his contributions to the community "are dwarfed only by his humility."
As O'Connor's gatekeeper, Mr. Dillingham had a reputation for toughness in his dealings with people trying to win the mayor's favor on various issues.
But he also was loyal to his co-workers, once taking a cut in pay so that others in the office could get raises.
"I can still keep my image as an SOB," he told a reporter at the time. "If I'm really a pussycat, that's between me and God and maybe it will help me get into heaven."
He served on the boards of numerous community organizations, including the San Diego AIDS project; AIDS Foundation San Diego; San Diego Human Dignity Foundation; and Episcopal Community Services. He was an active member of the Metropolitan Community Church.
Among his many honors: grand marshal of the Pride parade, the Harvey Milk Civil Rights Award, and the Crystal Torch from the Human Rights Campaign. The Veterans Wall at the LGBT Community Center is co-named after him.
"Ben was truly one of a kind," county Supervisor Ron Roberts said in a statement, "a dedicated, principled and driven man whose tireless work ethic was unmatched, and whose generosity to our community and loyalty to friends were endless and unwavering."
Mr. Dillingham's survivors include his mother, Mrs. Andrew Dillingham; sisters Ceseli Foster and Lorie Rosenwald; and brother Henry Dillingham II.
~ published in the the San Diego UT
_________________________________
Benjamin Franklin Dillingham Ill was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on May 23, 1945, the son of Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin F. Dillingham II. A fifth generation descendent of New England missionaries to the Hawaiian Islands, he attended Punahou School in Honolulu, and later St. Mark's School in Southborough, Massachusetts. He holds the distinction of being the first sports manager ever named to the St. Mark's School Athletic Hall of Fame.
Ben attended Harvard College, where he majored in Economics and managed teams in football, hockey and lacrosse, graduating Cum Laude in 1967. He earned six letters in athletics and was Vice President of the A. D. Club. Ben then pursued an MBA at the Harvard Business School. With his MBA in hand, Ben became a commissioned officer in the United States Marine Corps. He received the Bronze Star Medal with Combat "V" for his service in Vietnam. Additionally, Ben was awarded the Army Commendation Medal for his work on the XM-1 Main Battle Tank. After serving eight years, and with the rank of Captain, he returned to civilian life in San Diego. After several years at General Dynamics, Ben became the Chief Financial Officer for the San Diego Metropolitan Transit Development Board. Under his stewardship, the first light-rail transit system was established in San Diego.
In 1986, Ben became Chief of Staff to San Diego Mayor Maureen O'Connor, and after she left office, continued to manage her affairs.
Ben shared his life with three life partners - first, Donnis Grady Whorton, then Fredrick Stann Libby, and finally,Johnny Richard Beck. Each lost his battle with AIDS.
Throughout his life and through these relationships, Ben was an influential community leader, and a strong advocate of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) rights.
Ben served with distinction on many charitable Boards of Directors over the years, including the San Diego AIDS Project, AIDS Foundation San Diego, San Diego Human Dignity Foundation, and Episcopal Community Services. Ben was also a member of the San Diego County Veterans Advisory Council and Chair of the San Diego County Treasury Oversight Committee.
Ben was repeatedly recognized for outstanding community service. He was the San Diego LGBT Pride Grand Marshall and Man of the Year. He also received the Harvey Milk Memorial Award, the Human Rights Award, the Crystal Torch Award from the Human Rights Campaign, the Episcopal Community Services Award for Social Justice, and the Humanitarian Award from the City of San Diego Human Relations Committee.
As a measure of the high esteem in which he was held within the community, the LGBT Veterans Wall of in the San Diego LGBT Community Center was co-named for him. There is today a Benjamin F. Dillingham Ill LGBT Leadership Award and the Ben F. Dillingham Community Fund.
Ben passed away at home from pancreatic cancer on November 16, 2017. He is survived by his mother, Mrs. Andrews Dillingham, his sister Mrs. Hugh Watts (Ceseli) Foster, his brother Henry Gaylord Dillingham II and his sister Mrs. Stuart Harold (Lorie) Rosenwald, treasured in-laws, delightful nieces and nephews and their offspring, and many good friends and colleagues.
Ben was noted for his iron integrity, generosity of spirit, and dedication to the city of San Diego and the LGBT community. His loss will be felt by many, and he will be remembered for having lived a varied, accomplished, and committed life.
