** Lance proposed to me on 18 Dec 2014 and we were planning to be married on 13 Jul 2015 **
Familial Relation: Fiancé
Last Updated: Mon, 25 May 2015
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Lance, the eldest of 2 sons born of the marriage of Miles Lance Carlton Sr and his first wife, Emily Virginia "Ginger" Ross, passed away suddenly at Rosa Parks JTA Bus Terminal, Platform G, on Saturday, 4 April 2015.
Lance's unexpected & sudden death was likely due to him not having health insurance. When his income was $0, he was quoted a monthly premium of about $600 for Obama's Un-Affordable Healthcare. When he was approved for Social Security Disability of a little more than $1,700 per month, his Medicaid was deferred for 1 year, so he had at least 6 months longer to wait before he would even qualify to receive it. This makes no sense as disabled individuals severely need health insurance... But that's the system we live under!
In the events preceding his death, Lance was transported by ambulance at about 3:30pm to Baptist Hospital (downtown), who discharged him at about 6:30pm, with ER Dr. McCabe saying that nothing was wrong with his heart. Lance vehemently said that he was having a heart attack, stating the doctor never examined him and that he knew the protocol required a hands on examination. Dr. McCabe denied not giving Lance a physical examination. I can not say with 100% certainty whether or not Lance received a physical examination, but I can say that this was the FIRST time I had seen this doctor in the close to 2 hours I had been there, arriving about 30 minutes after Lance did).
Lance advised them that he had suffered two previous heart attacks when he did have insurance and was well aware of the protocol for proper ER treatment, based on his past experience. He demanded to see a cardiologist, a request which was denied him. Had he had health insurance, it is highly unlikely that his requests for better medical inquiry into his condition would have been dismissed as it was. Just prior to discharge, a nurse applied a nitro patch to Lance's chest, per Dr. McCabe's orders, and he was then told he had to leave. If Lance wasn't having a heart attack, why would they do this? And if, as Dr. McCabe said, he wasn't having a heart attack, isn't it possible that applying this nitro patch could have led to a fatal heart attack from a nitro overdose because he had also received nitro tablets while in the ER? So many unanswered questions remain, but the answers will NEVER bring him back! Lance was fighting for his life and Dr. McCabe definitely lacked the passion to care for him and cast him aside like his life had no value! Nothing Lance said or did could have changed that outcome.
While returning home from Baptist Hospital, at precisely 6:50 pm, Lance fell back immediately after I kissed him to "make him feel better" because he was so very frustrated by the way he was treated at the hospital. Neither of us knew this was coming... Were we expected to?
As I kissed him, I felt his lips suddenly drop so I opened my eyes to look at him. What I originally thought was Lance goofing around by rolling his head to his right while also rolling his eyes was really Lance about to pass out. I recall him trying to reach for me in a split second thereafter and, in response, I tried to reach back but it happened so fast I just could not catch him. When his head hit the ground with a loud thud, he laid still for just a moment. Still not wanting to believe what was happening was real, I leaned forward and kept saying, "Come on Lance, get up. You're embarrassing yourself, so please get up, get up, get up!" He then went into a grand mal seizure and I knew immediately that this was no joke. Something was definitely very wrong, but I had no idea what exactly was happening. I panicked and all I could do was scream for help as I cried profusely!
I literally felt my soul rip from my chest & was drawn to my knees at the very moment Lance drew his final breath! I remember hearing this awful wailing noise as I crawled between onlookers to get closer to him, as I had temporarily been pulled back away from him as various people tried to work on him. I did not realize until I gazed into his lifeless hazed over eyes that the wailing was coming from within me. Someone told me that it was my soul cry, as I could not understand what it was I had heard. They are probably right. All I know is I never felt so utterly helpless and lost in my entire life. My chest filled with what felt like a swirling black endlessly churning cesspool of something putrid and vile. Nothing I said or did made that feeling go away... for weeks! Although he fought with ferocity, he appeared to have expired about 5 minutes before this second ambulance had arrived. The nitro patch was still on his chest and Baptist Hospital's patient arm band was still around his wrist.
He was then transported to UF Health (Shands) Hospital (downtown), who confirmed that he was non-responsive and had no pulse when the ambulance picked him up. Though they tried more diligently than they normally would have, because they heard that he had just been discharged from Baptist Hospital, they could never recover Lance's pulse. He was pronounced dead at 7:45pm.
An autopsy would later reveal that Lance had died of heart disease, a condition which also took his father's life, as well as that of his maternal grandfather. According to what his daughter said the coroner told her, Lance's aorta ruptured during the attack and his head wound, which he suffered in the fall, had nothing to do with his departure.
Lance was preceded in death by his father (mentioned above), his paternal grandparents Mabry Allen and A. Mildred (Taylor) Carlton (married 25 May 1929 in St. Augustine, St. Johns County, Florida); and his maternal grandparents Everett E. Sr and Emily C. (McDuffie) Ross (married 1 Jan 1942 in MacClenny, Baker County, Florida).
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Lance's memorial service was held at 11am on 11 April 2015 at Calvary Worship Center, 3266 Southside Blvd. in Jacksonville. His body was cremated and his ashes scattered in a private family "paddle out" ceremony at Jacksonville Beach.
A video In Memory of M. Lance Carlton, Jr. was placed on youtube. It's a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man who simply was too good for this world to stay in it.
Lance's tribute video was taken from photos and video footage taken in late 2014, during the making of a video to raise awareness of homelessness in Jacksonville, entitled Homeless in Jacksonville | Cardboard Stories, which both Lance and I appeared in. At the time of his death, Lance and I had been off the streets for 4 months. Though I feel his death was a direct result of a lack of adequate healthcare insurance, I also feel that attitudes regarding homelessness in both the medical community & society as a whole, as he was homeless the last time he was treated there, is also partly to blame... This attitude needs to change as homelessness, for most, is a very temporary situation. It can happen to just about anyone.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Occupation(s):
- Licensed Plumber (Journeyman), Ret.
- Mechanic's Apprentice
Age: 46 years, 10 months, 0 days
Official Cause: Heart Disease
Location:
- Rosa Parks JTA Bus Terminal,
- W. State St, Jacksonville, FL
- Platform G,
Hospital(s):
- Baptist Hospital,
- 800 Prudential Dr, Jacksonville, FL
- Shands (UF Health) Hospital,
- 655 W 8th St, Jacksonville, FL
Memorial Service:
- Calvary Worship Center,
- 3266 Southside Blvd, Jacksonville, FL
- 11 Apr 2015, 11 a.m.
SS#: 590-26-6242 (Florida)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
In his lifetime, Lance enjoyed surfing, football, baseball, wrestling, attending concerts, auto shows, auto and motocross racing events, boat racing, monster truck rallies, building model cars, billiards, art, music and dancing. He was a licensed plumber (journeyman), held a Commercial Driver's License and had most recently worked as a mechanic's apprentice. He was well prepared to take the test to be an ASE certified mechanic, which was another passion of his. He loved anything with a motor and a need for speed (boats, planes, cars, and especially motorcycles).
Lance was a wonderful man with a beautiful soul and he often impressively and accurately quoted bible stories, which was testimony to a strong religious upbringing... And Lance was so intelligent. If he ever wanted to learn something, he'd simply pick up a book and teach it to himself. His comprehension and retention abilities were remarkable. He loved to read and continually strived to educate himself.
Lance's first-ever words to me were, "Well, hello there, pretty lady!"... While at Baptist Hospital, Lance told me, "Luana Dawn Alger, I do so love you and I can not wait to make you my wife!"... Those would turn out to be his last words directed specifically towards me... On the bus ride from Baptist Hospital to Rosa Parks Terminal, he suddenly stopped bantering and calmly spoke out loud to himself, saying, "The old Lance would simply write a letter of complaint, and that's exactly what I'm going to do"... His last words at all were said to a man at the City Rescue Mission (where he had to go get a pair of shoes to be able to ride the bus home, since he was transported to Baptist Hospital without his shoes and this female bus driver refused to let Lance board the bus without his shoes)... He shook the man's hand and said, "Thank you. Thank you very much and have a Happy Easter. I am so blessed!"... All these words I shall never forget for as long as I live!
His relationship with his family was strained, to say the least. Though I really do not know why, no one in his family, not even his own daughter, would give Lance even 10 minutes of their time. I watched as he spent an entire year trying in vain to specifically regain his daughter's trust, but she continually refused to engage him in any form of meaningful conversation, not even over the telephone. He wasn't perfect and, yes, he had some very serious problems which really were out of his control, but he tried so hard to overcome the most horrific of circumstances... and he was making amazing strides at improving this. I really wish his family could have allowed him to show them just how much recovery he had made. He came back from a very dark place in his life. That much I do know. It is ironic, though, that his daughter would be the only one who could benefit in any way, in the form of a lawsuit, for her father's wrongful death. I sincerely hope the reward, if any, brings her peace of mind.
Despite my inner ambivalence about this, I even offered to help her because I felt this is what Lance would have wanted. All he ever talked and worried about was that she would be okay and taken care of. It did not matter how many times she rejected him. That's the love of a father and I understand that more than anyone could ever know... But she was as interested in my desire to assist her as she was in reconnecting with her father in life. Am I bitter about all of this? A part of me definitely is... and a part of me really feels bad for her! Hence my emotional hesitance. But, does any of it matter? Not one iota.
I will also never forget her words when she learned of her father's death: "I thought there'd be time to make amends!" This is something she will, undoubtedly, have to live with for the rest of her life. My heart goes out to her because, without a doubt, she was robbed of any opportunity she could ever have had to revitalize the father-daughter relationship, if it were to happen at all. It is such a sad, sad situation all the way around. To honor him, I offered to help her. She refused. End of story. What happens next is up to the legal system. I'll have no say so either way, for nothing can bring my love back to me and I doubt that my honesty will actually aid in her legal endeavor to eradicate her own conscience in this matter.
Nothing will ever make his end right in my heart so it is a lawsuit that I doubt I would have pursued had we actually gotten married before his death, at least not for the sake of money. I'm just not like that. I would have been more concerned for the consequence to be applied to the doctor and focused on changing the protocol of the hospital in the future. As I've stated before, the only consolation I have is in knowing that his pain is over. The end of his pain and suffering is something I have actually prayed for. His family, and their unwillingness to forgive him for whatever wrong they held him so firmly accountable for, can hurt him no longer... And I no longer have to watch him anguish over a love that all of his heartfelt words could not re-ignite... To that extent, I suppose my prayer was answered, though I wish it would have found resolution in another way. He had my love to a depth that most could only hope to have. I had his love in equal measure. We both knew how very lucky we were to have ever found it... That's all that truly matters now.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
REPEAT...
Today it's been seven weeks,
Seven weeks and I still wish I could rewind,
Rewind the clock to the day before,
To the day before and relive it all again.
Relive it all again and do something so different,
Something so different than what we did,
What we did, except for the kiss,
Except for the kiss, I wouldn't change that kiss.
I wouldn't change that kiss, such heavenly bliss,
Such heavenly bliss, I'd hold onto that moment,
I'd hold onto that moment just in case,
Just in case it turns out the same.
The same as the moment you left me,
Left me reaching out and screaming your name,
Screaming your name, begging for your return,
Begging for your return so we can repeat...
So we can repeat it all again!
© 23 May 2015 All Rights Reserved,
by Luana Dawn Alger
In Loving Memory of my fiancé, M Lance Carlton Jr (4 Jun 1968 - 4 Apr 2015)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
WHILE THE WORLD...
While the world was assiduous,
The year was 1968,
A beautiful baby angel was born,
To be a consequence of it's fate
While the world remained engrossed,
He grew from infant, to boy, to man,
Not many stopped to notice him,
But God, He had a plan.
While the world continued to hustle,
He gave his heart away,
But true love would not yet blossom for him,
God said, "No son, not for you today."
While the world was overloaded,
His soul completely crushed,
He lost everything he ever knew,
He thought he'd spontaneously combust.
He eventually gave love a second chance,
It was with all the strength he could summon,
But again this love would fail for him,
He never even saw it coming.
The years waned by,
He thought he was lost,
Would true love ever find him?
He pondered on the cost.
Then while the world was in commotion,
A third lover he passed by,
He mustered up the courage,
To tell this pretty lady "hi!"
Neither was really looking,
They'd long thought all hope was gone,
But she saw something in his wry little smile,
This man, he's where she belonged.
As the world was all a flurry,
This love blossomed into something strong,
Yes, it had it's ups and downs,
But they worked things out all along.
One day he asked her to be his wife,
A glorious moment it had become,
He swore he'd love her his entire life,
Their connection had long begun.
Then while the world was wrought with movement,
Not a single soul slowed to see,
This man lay dying on the ground,
Lost forever from his fair lady.
She watched as he writhed and fought to breathe,
But could barely find a breath of her own,
In the minutes following their final kiss,
This beautiful man... was just gone.
Now while the world is all a pother,
This lady wanders it alone,
Forced to live without her beloved,
With only memories to bring him home.
She wonders how people can go on by,
With barely a second glance,
She wonders how her days will be fulfilled,
Without her life, her love... her Lance.
© 19 Jul 2015, All Rights Reserved,
by Luana Dawn Alger
In Loving Memory of my fiancé, M Lance Carlton Jr (4 Jun 1968 - 4 Apr 2015)
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Disclaimer:
All pertinent information I have included here can be verified by U.S. Federal Census Records for the family in conjunction with various public records, including any documents I may upload to this memorial.
Though I can not prove with 100% certainty that this family's composition and relation status is as I display it to be, I can say that the circumstantial evidence weighs very heavily in favor of the accuracy of these stated familial connections.
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Familial Relation: Fiancé
Last Updated: Mon, 25 May 2015
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Lance, the eldest of 2 sons born of the marriage of Miles Lance Carlton Sr and his first wife, Emily Virginia "Ginger" Ross, passed away suddenly at Rosa Parks JTA Bus Terminal, Platform G, on Saturday, 4 April 2015.
Lance's unexpected & sudden death was likely due to him not having health insurance. When his income was $0, he was quoted a monthly premium of about $600 for Obama's Un-Affordable Healthcare. When he was approved for Social Security Disability of a little more than $1,700 per month, his Medicaid was deferred for 1 year, so he had at least 6 months longer to wait before he would even qualify to receive it. This makes no sense as disabled individuals severely need health insurance... But that's the system we live under!
In the events preceding his death, Lance was transported by ambulance at about 3:30pm to Baptist Hospital (downtown), who discharged him at about 6:30pm, with ER Dr. McCabe saying that nothing was wrong with his heart. Lance vehemently said that he was having a heart attack, stating the doctor never examined him and that he knew the protocol required a hands on examination. Dr. McCabe denied not giving Lance a physical examination. I can not say with 100% certainty whether or not Lance received a physical examination, but I can say that this was the FIRST time I had seen this doctor in the close to 2 hours I had been there, arriving about 30 minutes after Lance did).
Lance advised them that he had suffered two previous heart attacks when he did have insurance and was well aware of the protocol for proper ER treatment, based on his past experience. He demanded to see a cardiologist, a request which was denied him. Had he had health insurance, it is highly unlikely that his requests for better medical inquiry into his condition would have been dismissed as it was. Just prior to discharge, a nurse applied a nitro patch to Lance's chest, per Dr. McCabe's orders, and he was then told he had to leave. If Lance wasn't having a heart attack, why would they do this? And if, as Dr. McCabe said, he wasn't having a heart attack, isn't it possible that applying this nitro patch could have led to a fatal heart attack from a nitro overdose because he had also received nitro tablets while in the ER? So many unanswered questions remain, but the answers will NEVER bring him back! Lance was fighting for his life and Dr. McCabe definitely lacked the passion to care for him and cast him aside like his life had no value! Nothing Lance said or did could have changed that outcome.
While returning home from Baptist Hospital, at precisely 6:50 pm, Lance fell back immediately after I kissed him to "make him feel better" because he was so very frustrated by the way he was treated at the hospital. Neither of us knew this was coming... Were we expected to?
As I kissed him, I felt his lips suddenly drop so I opened my eyes to look at him. What I originally thought was Lance goofing around by rolling his head to his right while also rolling his eyes was really Lance about to pass out. I recall him trying to reach for me in a split second thereafter and, in response, I tried to reach back but it happened so fast I just could not catch him. When his head hit the ground with a loud thud, he laid still for just a moment. Still not wanting to believe what was happening was real, I leaned forward and kept saying, "Come on Lance, get up. You're embarrassing yourself, so please get up, get up, get up!" He then went into a grand mal seizure and I knew immediately that this was no joke. Something was definitely very wrong, but I had no idea what exactly was happening. I panicked and all I could do was scream for help as I cried profusely!
I literally felt my soul rip from my chest & was drawn to my knees at the very moment Lance drew his final breath! I remember hearing this awful wailing noise as I crawled between onlookers to get closer to him, as I had temporarily been pulled back away from him as various people tried to work on him. I did not realize until I gazed into his lifeless hazed over eyes that the wailing was coming from within me. Someone told me that it was my soul cry, as I could not understand what it was I had heard. They are probably right. All I know is I never felt so utterly helpless and lost in my entire life. My chest filled with what felt like a swirling black endlessly churning cesspool of something putrid and vile. Nothing I said or did made that feeling go away... for weeks! Although he fought with ferocity, he appeared to have expired about 5 minutes before this second ambulance had arrived. The nitro patch was still on his chest and Baptist Hospital's patient arm band was still around his wrist.
He was then transported to UF Health (Shands) Hospital (downtown), who confirmed that he was non-responsive and had no pulse when the ambulance picked him up. Though they tried more diligently than they normally would have, because they heard that he had just been discharged from Baptist Hospital, they could never recover Lance's pulse. He was pronounced dead at 7:45pm.
An autopsy would later reveal that Lance had died of heart disease, a condition which also took his father's life, as well as that of his maternal grandfather. According to what his daughter said the coroner told her, Lance's aorta ruptured during the attack and his head wound, which he suffered in the fall, had nothing to do with his departure.
Lance was preceded in death by his father (mentioned above), his paternal grandparents Mabry Allen and A. Mildred (Taylor) Carlton (married 25 May 1929 in St. Augustine, St. Johns County, Florida); and his maternal grandparents Everett E. Sr and Emily C. (McDuffie) Ross (married 1 Jan 1942 in MacClenny, Baker County, Florida).
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Lance's memorial service was held at 11am on 11 April 2015 at Calvary Worship Center, 3266 Southside Blvd. in Jacksonville. His body was cremated and his ashes scattered in a private family "paddle out" ceremony at Jacksonville Beach.
A video In Memory of M. Lance Carlton, Jr. was placed on youtube. It's a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man who simply was too good for this world to stay in it.
Lance's tribute video was taken from photos and video footage taken in late 2014, during the making of a video to raise awareness of homelessness in Jacksonville, entitled Homeless in Jacksonville | Cardboard Stories, which both Lance and I appeared in. At the time of his death, Lance and I had been off the streets for 4 months. Though I feel his death was a direct result of a lack of adequate healthcare insurance, I also feel that attitudes regarding homelessness in both the medical community & society as a whole, as he was homeless the last time he was treated there, is also partly to blame... This attitude needs to change as homelessness, for most, is a very temporary situation. It can happen to just about anyone.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Occupation(s):
- Licensed Plumber (Journeyman), Ret.
- Mechanic's Apprentice
Age: 46 years, 10 months, 0 days
Official Cause: Heart Disease
Location:
- Rosa Parks JTA Bus Terminal,
- W. State St, Jacksonville, FL
- Platform G,
Hospital(s):
- Baptist Hospital,
- 800 Prudential Dr, Jacksonville, FL
- Shands (UF Health) Hospital,
- 655 W 8th St, Jacksonville, FL
Memorial Service:
- Calvary Worship Center,
- 3266 Southside Blvd, Jacksonville, FL
- 11 Apr 2015, 11 a.m.
SS#: 590-26-6242 (Florida)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
In his lifetime, Lance enjoyed surfing, football, baseball, wrestling, attending concerts, auto shows, auto and motocross racing events, boat racing, monster truck rallies, building model cars, billiards, art, music and dancing. He was a licensed plumber (journeyman), held a Commercial Driver's License and had most recently worked as a mechanic's apprentice. He was well prepared to take the test to be an ASE certified mechanic, which was another passion of his. He loved anything with a motor and a need for speed (boats, planes, cars, and especially motorcycles).
Lance was a wonderful man with a beautiful soul and he often impressively and accurately quoted bible stories, which was testimony to a strong religious upbringing... And Lance was so intelligent. If he ever wanted to learn something, he'd simply pick up a book and teach it to himself. His comprehension and retention abilities were remarkable. He loved to read and continually strived to educate himself.
Lance's first-ever words to me were, "Well, hello there, pretty lady!"... While at Baptist Hospital, Lance told me, "Luana Dawn Alger, I do so love you and I can not wait to make you my wife!"... Those would turn out to be his last words directed specifically towards me... On the bus ride from Baptist Hospital to Rosa Parks Terminal, he suddenly stopped bantering and calmly spoke out loud to himself, saying, "The old Lance would simply write a letter of complaint, and that's exactly what I'm going to do"... His last words at all were said to a man at the City Rescue Mission (where he had to go get a pair of shoes to be able to ride the bus home, since he was transported to Baptist Hospital without his shoes and this female bus driver refused to let Lance board the bus without his shoes)... He shook the man's hand and said, "Thank you. Thank you very much and have a Happy Easter. I am so blessed!"... All these words I shall never forget for as long as I live!
His relationship with his family was strained, to say the least. Though I really do not know why, no one in his family, not even his own daughter, would give Lance even 10 minutes of their time. I watched as he spent an entire year trying in vain to specifically regain his daughter's trust, but she continually refused to engage him in any form of meaningful conversation, not even over the telephone. He wasn't perfect and, yes, he had some very serious problems which really were out of his control, but he tried so hard to overcome the most horrific of circumstances... and he was making amazing strides at improving this. I really wish his family could have allowed him to show them just how much recovery he had made. He came back from a very dark place in his life. That much I do know. It is ironic, though, that his daughter would be the only one who could benefit in any way, in the form of a lawsuit, for her father's wrongful death. I sincerely hope the reward, if any, brings her peace of mind.
Despite my inner ambivalence about this, I even offered to help her because I felt this is what Lance would have wanted. All he ever talked and worried about was that she would be okay and taken care of. It did not matter how many times she rejected him. That's the love of a father and I understand that more than anyone could ever know... But she was as interested in my desire to assist her as she was in reconnecting with her father in life. Am I bitter about all of this? A part of me definitely is... and a part of me really feels bad for her! Hence my emotional hesitance. But, does any of it matter? Not one iota.
I will also never forget her words when she learned of her father's death: "I thought there'd be time to make amends!" This is something she will, undoubtedly, have to live with for the rest of her life. My heart goes out to her because, without a doubt, she was robbed of any opportunity she could ever have had to revitalize the father-daughter relationship, if it were to happen at all. It is such a sad, sad situation all the way around. To honor him, I offered to help her. She refused. End of story. What happens next is up to the legal system. I'll have no say so either way, for nothing can bring my love back to me and I doubt that my honesty will actually aid in her legal endeavor to eradicate her own conscience in this matter.
Nothing will ever make his end right in my heart so it is a lawsuit that I doubt I would have pursued had we actually gotten married before his death, at least not for the sake of money. I'm just not like that. I would have been more concerned for the consequence to be applied to the doctor and focused on changing the protocol of the hospital in the future. As I've stated before, the only consolation I have is in knowing that his pain is over. The end of his pain and suffering is something I have actually prayed for. His family, and their unwillingness to forgive him for whatever wrong they held him so firmly accountable for, can hurt him no longer... And I no longer have to watch him anguish over a love that all of his heartfelt words could not re-ignite... To that extent, I suppose my prayer was answered, though I wish it would have found resolution in another way. He had my love to a depth that most could only hope to have. I had his love in equal measure. We both knew how very lucky we were to have ever found it... That's all that truly matters now.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
REPEAT...
Today it's been seven weeks,
Seven weeks and I still wish I could rewind,
Rewind the clock to the day before,
To the day before and relive it all again.
Relive it all again and do something so different,
Something so different than what we did,
What we did, except for the kiss,
Except for the kiss, I wouldn't change that kiss.
I wouldn't change that kiss, such heavenly bliss,
Such heavenly bliss, I'd hold onto that moment,
I'd hold onto that moment just in case,
Just in case it turns out the same.
The same as the moment you left me,
Left me reaching out and screaming your name,
Screaming your name, begging for your return,
Begging for your return so we can repeat...
So we can repeat it all again!
© 23 May 2015 All Rights Reserved,
by Luana Dawn Alger
In Loving Memory of my fiancé, M Lance Carlton Jr (4 Jun 1968 - 4 Apr 2015)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
WHILE THE WORLD...
While the world was assiduous,
The year was 1968,
A beautiful baby angel was born,
To be a consequence of it's fate
While the world remained engrossed,
He grew from infant, to boy, to man,
Not many stopped to notice him,
But God, He had a plan.
While the world continued to hustle,
He gave his heart away,
But true love would not yet blossom for him,
God said, "No son, not for you today."
While the world was overloaded,
His soul completely crushed,
He lost everything he ever knew,
He thought he'd spontaneously combust.
He eventually gave love a second chance,
It was with all the strength he could summon,
But again this love would fail for him,
He never even saw it coming.
The years waned by,
He thought he was lost,
Would true love ever find him?
He pondered on the cost.
Then while the world was in commotion,
A third lover he passed by,
He mustered up the courage,
To tell this pretty lady "hi!"
Neither was really looking,
They'd long thought all hope was gone,
But she saw something in his wry little smile,
This man, he's where she belonged.
As the world was all a flurry,
This love blossomed into something strong,
Yes, it had it's ups and downs,
But they worked things out all along.
One day he asked her to be his wife,
A glorious moment it had become,
He swore he'd love her his entire life,
Their connection had long begun.
Then while the world was wrought with movement,
Not a single soul slowed to see,
This man lay dying on the ground,
Lost forever from his fair lady.
She watched as he writhed and fought to breathe,
But could barely find a breath of her own,
In the minutes following their final kiss,
This beautiful man... was just gone.
Now while the world is all a pother,
This lady wanders it alone,
Forced to live without her beloved,
With only memories to bring him home.
She wonders how people can go on by,
With barely a second glance,
She wonders how her days will be fulfilled,
Without her life, her love... her Lance.
© 19 Jul 2015, All Rights Reserved,
by Luana Dawn Alger
In Loving Memory of my fiancé, M Lance Carlton Jr (4 Jun 1968 - 4 Apr 2015)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Disclaimer:
All pertinent information I have included here can be verified by U.S. Federal Census Records for the family in conjunction with various public records, including any documents I may upload to this memorial.
Though I can not prove with 100% certainty that this family's composition and relation status is as I display it to be, I can say that the circumstantial evidence weighs very heavily in favor of the accuracy of these stated familial connections.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
** Lance proposed to me on 18 Dec 2014 and we were planning to be married on 13 Jul 2015 **
Familial Relation: Fiancé
Last Updated: Mon, 25 May 2015
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Lance, the eldest of 2 sons born of the marriage of Miles Lance Carlton Sr and his first wife, Emily Virginia "Ginger" Ross, passed away suddenly at Rosa Parks JTA Bus Terminal, Platform G, on Saturday, 4 April 2015.
Lance's unexpected & sudden death was likely due to him not having health insurance. When his income was $0, he was quoted a monthly premium of about $600 for Obama's Un-Affordable Healthcare. When he was approved for Social Security Disability of a little more than $1,700 per month, his Medicaid was deferred for 1 year, so he had at least 6 months longer to wait before he would even qualify to receive it. This makes no sense as disabled individuals severely need health insurance... But that's the system we live under!
In the events preceding his death, Lance was transported by ambulance at about 3:30pm to Baptist Hospital (downtown), who discharged him at about 6:30pm, with ER Dr. McCabe saying that nothing was wrong with his heart. Lance vehemently said that he was having a heart attack, stating the doctor never examined him and that he knew the protocol required a hands on examination. Dr. McCabe denied not giving Lance a physical examination. I can not say with 100% certainty whether or not Lance received a physical examination, but I can say that this was the FIRST time I had seen this doctor in the close to 2 hours I had been there, arriving about 30 minutes after Lance did).
Lance advised them that he had suffered two previous heart attacks when he did have insurance and was well aware of the protocol for proper ER treatment, based on his past experience. He demanded to see a cardiologist, a request which was denied him. Had he had health insurance, it is highly unlikely that his requests for better medical inquiry into his condition would have been dismissed as it was. Just prior to discharge, a nurse applied a nitro patch to Lance's chest, per Dr. McCabe's orders, and he was then told he had to leave. If Lance wasn't having a heart attack, why would they do this? And if, as Dr. McCabe said, he wasn't having a heart attack, isn't it possible that applying this nitro patch could have led to a fatal heart attack from a nitro overdose because he had also received nitro tablets while in the ER? So many unanswered questions remain, but the answers will NEVER bring him back! Lance was fighting for his life and Dr. McCabe definitely lacked the passion to care for him and cast him aside like his life had no value! Nothing Lance said or did could have changed that outcome.
While returning home from Baptist Hospital, at precisely 6:50 pm, Lance fell back immediately after I kissed him to "make him feel better" because he was so very frustrated by the way he was treated at the hospital. Neither of us knew this was coming... Were we expected to?
As I kissed him, I felt his lips suddenly drop so I opened my eyes to look at him. What I originally thought was Lance goofing around by rolling his head to his right while also rolling his eyes was really Lance about to pass out. I recall him trying to reach for me in a split second thereafter and, in response, I tried to reach back but it happened so fast I just could not catch him. When his head hit the ground with a loud thud, he laid still for just a moment. Still not wanting to believe what was happening was real, I leaned forward and kept saying, "Come on Lance, get up. You're embarrassing yourself, so please get up, get up, get up!" He then went into a grand mal seizure and I knew immediately that this was no joke. Something was definitely very wrong, but I had no idea what exactly was happening. I panicked and all I could do was scream for help as I cried profusely!
I literally felt my soul rip from my chest & was drawn to my knees at the very moment Lance drew his final breath! I remember hearing this awful wailing noise as I crawled between onlookers to get closer to him, as I had temporarily been pulled back away from him as various people tried to work on him. I did not realize until I gazed into his lifeless hazed over eyes that the wailing was coming from within me. Someone told me that it was my soul cry, as I could not understand what it was I had heard. They are probably right. All I know is I never felt so utterly helpless and lost in my entire life. My chest filled with what felt like a swirling black endlessly churning cesspool of something putrid and vile. Nothing I said or did made that feeling go away... for weeks! Although he fought with ferocity, he appeared to have expired about 5 minutes before this second ambulance had arrived. The nitro patch was still on his chest and Baptist Hospital's patient arm band was still around his wrist.
He was then transported to UF Health (Shands) Hospital (downtown), who confirmed that he was non-responsive and had no pulse when the ambulance picked him up. Though they tried more diligently than they normally would have, because they heard that he had just been discharged from Baptist Hospital, they could never recover Lance's pulse. He was pronounced dead at 7:45pm.
An autopsy would later reveal that Lance had died of heart disease, a condition which also took his father's life, as well as that of his maternal grandfather. According to what his daughter said the coroner told her, Lance's aorta ruptured during the attack and his head wound, which he suffered in the fall, had nothing to do with his departure.
Lance was preceded in death by his father (mentioned above), his paternal grandparents Mabry Allen and A. Mildred (Taylor) Carlton (married 25 May 1929 in St. Augustine, St. Johns County, Florida); and his maternal grandparents Everett E. Sr and Emily C. (McDuffie) Ross (married 1 Jan 1942 in MacClenny, Baker County, Florida).
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Lance's memorial service was held at 11am on 11 April 2015 at Calvary Worship Center, 3266 Southside Blvd. in Jacksonville. His body was cremated and his ashes scattered in a private family "paddle out" ceremony at Jacksonville Beach.
A video In Memory of M. Lance Carlton, Jr. was placed on youtube. It's a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man who simply was too good for this world to stay in it.
Lance's tribute video was taken from photos and video footage taken in late 2014, during the making of a video to raise awareness of homelessness in Jacksonville, entitled Homeless in Jacksonville | Cardboard Stories, which both Lance and I appeared in. At the time of his death, Lance and I had been off the streets for 4 months. Though I feel his death was a direct result of a lack of adequate healthcare insurance, I also feel that attitudes regarding homelessness in both the medical community & society as a whole, as he was homeless the last time he was treated there, is also partly to blame... This attitude needs to change as homelessness, for most, is a very temporary situation. It can happen to just about anyone.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Occupation(s):
- Licensed Plumber (Journeyman), Ret.
- Mechanic's Apprentice
Age: 46 years, 10 months, 0 days
Official Cause: Heart Disease
Location:
- Rosa Parks JTA Bus Terminal,
- W. State St, Jacksonville, FL
- Platform G,
Hospital(s):
- Baptist Hospital,
- 800 Prudential Dr, Jacksonville, FL
- Shands (UF Health) Hospital,
- 655 W 8th St, Jacksonville, FL
Memorial Service:
- Calvary Worship Center,
- 3266 Southside Blvd, Jacksonville, FL
- 11 Apr 2015, 11 a.m.
SS#: 590-26-6242 (Florida)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
In his lifetime, Lance enjoyed surfing, football, baseball, wrestling, attending concerts, auto shows, auto and motocross racing events, boat racing, monster truck rallies, building model cars, billiards, art, music and dancing. He was a licensed plumber (journeyman), held a Commercial Driver's License and had most recently worked as a mechanic's apprentice. He was well prepared to take the test to be an ASE certified mechanic, which was another passion of his. He loved anything with a motor and a need for speed (boats, planes, cars, and especially motorcycles).
Lance was a wonderful man with a beautiful soul and he often impressively and accurately quoted bible stories, which was testimony to a strong religious upbringing... And Lance was so intelligent. If he ever wanted to learn something, he'd simply pick up a book and teach it to himself. His comprehension and retention abilities were remarkable. He loved to read and continually strived to educate himself.
Lance's first-ever words to me were, "Well, hello there, pretty lady!"... While at Baptist Hospital, Lance told me, "Luana Dawn Alger, I do so love you and I can not wait to make you my wife!"... Those would turn out to be his last words directed specifically towards me... On the bus ride from Baptist Hospital to Rosa Parks Terminal, he suddenly stopped bantering and calmly spoke out loud to himself, saying, "The old Lance would simply write a letter of complaint, and that's exactly what I'm going to do"... His last words at all were said to a man at the City Rescue Mission (where he had to go get a pair of shoes to be able to ride the bus home, since he was transported to Baptist Hospital without his shoes and this female bus driver refused to let Lance board the bus without his shoes)... He shook the man's hand and said, "Thank you. Thank you very much and have a Happy Easter. I am so blessed!"... All these words I shall never forget for as long as I live!
His relationship with his family was strained, to say the least. Though I really do not know why, no one in his family, not even his own daughter, would give Lance even 10 minutes of their time. I watched as he spent an entire year trying in vain to specifically regain his daughter's trust, but she continually refused to engage him in any form of meaningful conversation, not even over the telephone. He wasn't perfect and, yes, he had some very serious problems which really were out of his control, but he tried so hard to overcome the most horrific of circumstances... and he was making amazing strides at improving this. I really wish his family could have allowed him to show them just how much recovery he had made. He came back from a very dark place in his life. That much I do know. It is ironic, though, that his daughter would be the only one who could benefit in any way, in the form of a lawsuit, for her father's wrongful death. I sincerely hope the reward, if any, brings her peace of mind.
Despite my inner ambivalence about this, I even offered to help her because I felt this is what Lance would have wanted. All he ever talked and worried about was that she would be okay and taken care of. It did not matter how many times she rejected him. That's the love of a father and I understand that more than anyone could ever know... But she was as interested in my desire to assist her as she was in reconnecting with her father in life. Am I bitter about all of this? A part of me definitely is... and a part of me really feels bad for her! Hence my emotional hesitance. But, does any of it matter? Not one iota.
I will also never forget her words when she learned of her father's death: "I thought there'd be time to make amends!" This is something she will, undoubtedly, have to live with for the rest of her life. My heart goes out to her because, without a doubt, she was robbed of any opportunity she could ever have had to revitalize the father-daughter relationship, if it were to happen at all. It is such a sad, sad situation all the way around. To honor him, I offered to help her. She refused. End of story. What happens next is up to the legal system. I'll have no say so either way, for nothing can bring my love back to me and I doubt that my honesty will actually aid in her legal endeavor to eradicate her own conscience in this matter.
Nothing will ever make his end right in my heart so it is a lawsuit that I doubt I would have pursued had we actually gotten married before his death, at least not for the sake of money. I'm just not like that. I would have been more concerned for the consequence to be applied to the doctor and focused on changing the protocol of the hospital in the future. As I've stated before, the only consolation I have is in knowing that his pain is over. The end of his pain and suffering is something I have actually prayed for. His family, and their unwillingness to forgive him for whatever wrong they held him so firmly accountable for, can hurt him no longer... And I no longer have to watch him anguish over a love that all of his heartfelt words could not re-ignite... To that extent, I suppose my prayer was answered, though I wish it would have found resolution in another way. He had my love to a depth that most could only hope to have. I had his love in equal measure. We both knew how very lucky we were to have ever found it... That's all that truly matters now.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
REPEAT...
Today it's been seven weeks,
Seven weeks and I still wish I could rewind,
Rewind the clock to the day before,
To the day before and relive it all again.
Relive it all again and do something so different,
Something so different than what we did,
What we did, except for the kiss,
Except for the kiss, I wouldn't change that kiss.
I wouldn't change that kiss, such heavenly bliss,
Such heavenly bliss, I'd hold onto that moment,
I'd hold onto that moment just in case,
Just in case it turns out the same.
The same as the moment you left me,
Left me reaching out and screaming your name,
Screaming your name, begging for your return,
Begging for your return so we can repeat...
So we can repeat it all again!
© 23 May 2015 All Rights Reserved,
by Luana Dawn Alger
In Loving Memory of my fiancé, M Lance Carlton Jr (4 Jun 1968 - 4 Apr 2015)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
WHILE THE WORLD...
While the world was assiduous,
The year was 1968,
A beautiful baby angel was born,
To be a consequence of it's fate
While the world remained engrossed,
He grew from infant, to boy, to man,
Not many stopped to notice him,
But God, He had a plan.
While the world continued to hustle,
He gave his heart away,
But true love would not yet blossom for him,
God said, "No son, not for you today."
While the world was overloaded,
His soul completely crushed,
He lost everything he ever knew,
He thought he'd spontaneously combust.
He eventually gave love a second chance,
It was with all the strength he could summon,
But again this love would fail for him,
He never even saw it coming.
The years waned by,
He thought he was lost,
Would true love ever find him?
He pondered on the cost.
Then while the world was in commotion,
A third lover he passed by,
He mustered up the courage,
To tell this pretty lady "hi!"
Neither was really looking,
They'd long thought all hope was gone,
But she saw something in his wry little smile,
This man, he's where she belonged.
As the world was all a flurry,
This love blossomed into something strong,
Yes, it had it's ups and downs,
But they worked things out all along.
One day he asked her to be his wife,
A glorious moment it had become,
He swore he'd love her his entire life,
Their connection had long begun.
Then while the world was wrought with movement,
Not a single soul slowed to see,
This man lay dying on the ground,
Lost forever from his fair lady.
She watched as he writhed and fought to breathe,
But could barely find a breath of her own,
In the minutes following their final kiss,
This beautiful man... was just gone.
Now while the world is all a pother,
This lady wanders it alone,
Forced to live without her beloved,
With only memories to bring him home.
She wonders how people can go on by,
With barely a second glance,
She wonders how her days will be fulfilled,
Without her life, her love... her Lance.
© 19 Jul 2015, All Rights Reserved,
by Luana Dawn Alger
In Loving Memory of my fiancé, M Lance Carlton Jr (4 Jun 1968 - 4 Apr 2015)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Disclaimer:
All pertinent information I have included here can be verified by U.S. Federal Census Records for the family in conjunction with various public records, including any documents I may upload to this memorial.
Though I can not prove with 100% certainty that this family's composition and relation status is as I display it to be, I can say that the circumstantial evidence weighs very heavily in favor of the accuracy of these stated familial connections.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Familial Relation: Fiancé
Last Updated: Mon, 25 May 2015
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Lance, the eldest of 2 sons born of the marriage of Miles Lance Carlton Sr and his first wife, Emily Virginia "Ginger" Ross, passed away suddenly at Rosa Parks JTA Bus Terminal, Platform G, on Saturday, 4 April 2015.
Lance's unexpected & sudden death was likely due to him not having health insurance. When his income was $0, he was quoted a monthly premium of about $600 for Obama's Un-Affordable Healthcare. When he was approved for Social Security Disability of a little more than $1,700 per month, his Medicaid was deferred for 1 year, so he had at least 6 months longer to wait before he would even qualify to receive it. This makes no sense as disabled individuals severely need health insurance... But that's the system we live under!
In the events preceding his death, Lance was transported by ambulance at about 3:30pm to Baptist Hospital (downtown), who discharged him at about 6:30pm, with ER Dr. McCabe saying that nothing was wrong with his heart. Lance vehemently said that he was having a heart attack, stating the doctor never examined him and that he knew the protocol required a hands on examination. Dr. McCabe denied not giving Lance a physical examination. I can not say with 100% certainty whether or not Lance received a physical examination, but I can say that this was the FIRST time I had seen this doctor in the close to 2 hours I had been there, arriving about 30 minutes after Lance did).
Lance advised them that he had suffered two previous heart attacks when he did have insurance and was well aware of the protocol for proper ER treatment, based on his past experience. He demanded to see a cardiologist, a request which was denied him. Had he had health insurance, it is highly unlikely that his requests for better medical inquiry into his condition would have been dismissed as it was. Just prior to discharge, a nurse applied a nitro patch to Lance's chest, per Dr. McCabe's orders, and he was then told he had to leave. If Lance wasn't having a heart attack, why would they do this? And if, as Dr. McCabe said, he wasn't having a heart attack, isn't it possible that applying this nitro patch could have led to a fatal heart attack from a nitro overdose because he had also received nitro tablets while in the ER? So many unanswered questions remain, but the answers will NEVER bring him back! Lance was fighting for his life and Dr. McCabe definitely lacked the passion to care for him and cast him aside like his life had no value! Nothing Lance said or did could have changed that outcome.
While returning home from Baptist Hospital, at precisely 6:50 pm, Lance fell back immediately after I kissed him to "make him feel better" because he was so very frustrated by the way he was treated at the hospital. Neither of us knew this was coming... Were we expected to?
As I kissed him, I felt his lips suddenly drop so I opened my eyes to look at him. What I originally thought was Lance goofing around by rolling his head to his right while also rolling his eyes was really Lance about to pass out. I recall him trying to reach for me in a split second thereafter and, in response, I tried to reach back but it happened so fast I just could not catch him. When his head hit the ground with a loud thud, he laid still for just a moment. Still not wanting to believe what was happening was real, I leaned forward and kept saying, "Come on Lance, get up. You're embarrassing yourself, so please get up, get up, get up!" He then went into a grand mal seizure and I knew immediately that this was no joke. Something was definitely very wrong, but I had no idea what exactly was happening. I panicked and all I could do was scream for help as I cried profusely!
I literally felt my soul rip from my chest & was drawn to my knees at the very moment Lance drew his final breath! I remember hearing this awful wailing noise as I crawled between onlookers to get closer to him, as I had temporarily been pulled back away from him as various people tried to work on him. I did not realize until I gazed into his lifeless hazed over eyes that the wailing was coming from within me. Someone told me that it was my soul cry, as I could not understand what it was I had heard. They are probably right. All I know is I never felt so utterly helpless and lost in my entire life. My chest filled with what felt like a swirling black endlessly churning cesspool of something putrid and vile. Nothing I said or did made that feeling go away... for weeks! Although he fought with ferocity, he appeared to have expired about 5 minutes before this second ambulance had arrived. The nitro patch was still on his chest and Baptist Hospital's patient arm band was still around his wrist.
He was then transported to UF Health (Shands) Hospital (downtown), who confirmed that he was non-responsive and had no pulse when the ambulance picked him up. Though they tried more diligently than they normally would have, because they heard that he had just been discharged from Baptist Hospital, they could never recover Lance's pulse. He was pronounced dead at 7:45pm.
An autopsy would later reveal that Lance had died of heart disease, a condition which also took his father's life, as well as that of his maternal grandfather. According to what his daughter said the coroner told her, Lance's aorta ruptured during the attack and his head wound, which he suffered in the fall, had nothing to do with his departure.
Lance was preceded in death by his father (mentioned above), his paternal grandparents Mabry Allen and A. Mildred (Taylor) Carlton (married 25 May 1929 in St. Augustine, St. Johns County, Florida); and his maternal grandparents Everett E. Sr and Emily C. (McDuffie) Ross (married 1 Jan 1942 in MacClenny, Baker County, Florida).
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Lance's memorial service was held at 11am on 11 April 2015 at Calvary Worship Center, 3266 Southside Blvd. in Jacksonville. His body was cremated and his ashes scattered in a private family "paddle out" ceremony at Jacksonville Beach.
A video In Memory of M. Lance Carlton, Jr. was placed on youtube. It's a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man who simply was too good for this world to stay in it.
Lance's tribute video was taken from photos and video footage taken in late 2014, during the making of a video to raise awareness of homelessness in Jacksonville, entitled Homeless in Jacksonville | Cardboard Stories, which both Lance and I appeared in. At the time of his death, Lance and I had been off the streets for 4 months. Though I feel his death was a direct result of a lack of adequate healthcare insurance, I also feel that attitudes regarding homelessness in both the medical community & society as a whole, as he was homeless the last time he was treated there, is also partly to blame... This attitude needs to change as homelessness, for most, is a very temporary situation. It can happen to just about anyone.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
Occupation(s):
- Licensed Plumber (Journeyman), Ret.
- Mechanic's Apprentice
Age: 46 years, 10 months, 0 days
Official Cause: Heart Disease
Location:
- Rosa Parks JTA Bus Terminal,
- W. State St, Jacksonville, FL
- Platform G,
Hospital(s):
- Baptist Hospital,
- 800 Prudential Dr, Jacksonville, FL
- Shands (UF Health) Hospital,
- 655 W 8th St, Jacksonville, FL
Memorial Service:
- Calvary Worship Center,
- 3266 Southside Blvd, Jacksonville, FL
- 11 Apr 2015, 11 a.m.
SS#: 590-26-6242 (Florida)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
In his lifetime, Lance enjoyed surfing, football, baseball, wrestling, attending concerts, auto shows, auto and motocross racing events, boat racing, monster truck rallies, building model cars, billiards, art, music and dancing. He was a licensed plumber (journeyman), held a Commercial Driver's License and had most recently worked as a mechanic's apprentice. He was well prepared to take the test to be an ASE certified mechanic, which was another passion of his. He loved anything with a motor and a need for speed (boats, planes, cars, and especially motorcycles).
Lance was a wonderful man with a beautiful soul and he often impressively and accurately quoted bible stories, which was testimony to a strong religious upbringing... And Lance was so intelligent. If he ever wanted to learn something, he'd simply pick up a book and teach it to himself. His comprehension and retention abilities were remarkable. He loved to read and continually strived to educate himself.
Lance's first-ever words to me were, "Well, hello there, pretty lady!"... While at Baptist Hospital, Lance told me, "Luana Dawn Alger, I do so love you and I can not wait to make you my wife!"... Those would turn out to be his last words directed specifically towards me... On the bus ride from Baptist Hospital to Rosa Parks Terminal, he suddenly stopped bantering and calmly spoke out loud to himself, saying, "The old Lance would simply write a letter of complaint, and that's exactly what I'm going to do"... His last words at all were said to a man at the City Rescue Mission (where he had to go get a pair of shoes to be able to ride the bus home, since he was transported to Baptist Hospital without his shoes and this female bus driver refused to let Lance board the bus without his shoes)... He shook the man's hand and said, "Thank you. Thank you very much and have a Happy Easter. I am so blessed!"... All these words I shall never forget for as long as I live!
His relationship with his family was strained, to say the least. Though I really do not know why, no one in his family, not even his own daughter, would give Lance even 10 minutes of their time. I watched as he spent an entire year trying in vain to specifically regain his daughter's trust, but she continually refused to engage him in any form of meaningful conversation, not even over the telephone. He wasn't perfect and, yes, he had some very serious problems which really were out of his control, but he tried so hard to overcome the most horrific of circumstances... and he was making amazing strides at improving this. I really wish his family could have allowed him to show them just how much recovery he had made. He came back from a very dark place in his life. That much I do know. It is ironic, though, that his daughter would be the only one who could benefit in any way, in the form of a lawsuit, for her father's wrongful death. I sincerely hope the reward, if any, brings her peace of mind.
Despite my inner ambivalence about this, I even offered to help her because I felt this is what Lance would have wanted. All he ever talked and worried about was that she would be okay and taken care of. It did not matter how many times she rejected him. That's the love of a father and I understand that more than anyone could ever know... But she was as interested in my desire to assist her as she was in reconnecting with her father in life. Am I bitter about all of this? A part of me definitely is... and a part of me really feels bad for her! Hence my emotional hesitance. But, does any of it matter? Not one iota.
I will also never forget her words when she learned of her father's death: "I thought there'd be time to make amends!" This is something she will, undoubtedly, have to live with for the rest of her life. My heart goes out to her because, without a doubt, she was robbed of any opportunity she could ever have had to revitalize the father-daughter relationship, if it were to happen at all. It is such a sad, sad situation all the way around. To honor him, I offered to help her. She refused. End of story. What happens next is up to the legal system. I'll have no say so either way, for nothing can bring my love back to me and I doubt that my honesty will actually aid in her legal endeavor to eradicate her own conscience in this matter.
Nothing will ever make his end right in my heart so it is a lawsuit that I doubt I would have pursued had we actually gotten married before his death, at least not for the sake of money. I'm just not like that. I would have been more concerned for the consequence to be applied to the doctor and focused on changing the protocol of the hospital in the future. As I've stated before, the only consolation I have is in knowing that his pain is over. The end of his pain and suffering is something I have actually prayed for. His family, and their unwillingness to forgive him for whatever wrong they held him so firmly accountable for, can hurt him no longer... And I no longer have to watch him anguish over a love that all of his heartfelt words could not re-ignite... To that extent, I suppose my prayer was answered, though I wish it would have found resolution in another way. He had my love to a depth that most could only hope to have. I had his love in equal measure. We both knew how very lucky we were to have ever found it... That's all that truly matters now.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
REPEAT...
Today it's been seven weeks,
Seven weeks and I still wish I could rewind,
Rewind the clock to the day before,
To the day before and relive it all again.
Relive it all again and do something so different,
Something so different than what we did,
What we did, except for the kiss,
Except for the kiss, I wouldn't change that kiss.
I wouldn't change that kiss, such heavenly bliss,
Such heavenly bliss, I'd hold onto that moment,
I'd hold onto that moment just in case,
Just in case it turns out the same.
The same as the moment you left me,
Left me reaching out and screaming your name,
Screaming your name, begging for your return,
Begging for your return so we can repeat...
So we can repeat it all again!
© 23 May 2015 All Rights Reserved,
by Luana Dawn Alger
In Loving Memory of my fiancé, M Lance Carlton Jr (4 Jun 1968 - 4 Apr 2015)
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
WHILE THE WORLD...
While the world was assiduous,
The year was 1968,
A beautiful baby angel was born,
To be a consequence of it's fate
While the world remained engrossed,
He grew from infant, to boy, to man,
Not many stopped to notice him,
But God, He had a plan.
While the world continued to hustle,
He gave his heart away,
But true love would not yet blossom for him,
God said, "No son, not for you today."
While the world was overloaded,
His soul completely crushed,
He lost everything he ever knew,
He thought he'd spontaneously combust.
He eventually gave love a second chance,
It was with all the strength he could summon,
But again this love would fail for him,
He never even saw it coming.
The years waned by,
He thought he was lost,
Would true love ever find him?
He pondered on the cost.
Then while the world was in commotion,
A third lover he passed by,
He mustered up the courage,
To tell this pretty lady "hi!"
Neither was really looking,
They'd long thought all hope was gone,
But she saw something in his wry little smile,
This man, he's where she belonged.
As the world was all a flurry,
This love blossomed into something strong,
Yes, it had it's ups and downs,
But they worked things out all along.
One day he asked her to be his wife,
A glorious moment it had become,
He swore he'd love her his entire life,
Their connection had long begun.
Then while the world was wrought with movement,
Not a single soul slowed to see,
This man lay dying on the ground,
Lost forever from his fair lady.
She watched as he writhed and fought to breathe,
But could barely find a breath of her own,
In the minutes following their final kiss,
This beautiful man... was just gone.
Now while the world is all a pother,
This lady wanders it alone,
Forced to live without her beloved,
With only memories to bring him home.
She wonders how people can go on by,
With barely a second glance,
She wonders how her days will be fulfilled,
Without her life, her love... her Lance.
© 19 Jul 2015, All Rights Reserved,
by Luana Dawn Alger
In Loving Memory of my fiancé, M Lance Carlton Jr (4 Jun 1968 - 4 Apr 2015)
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Disclaimer:
All pertinent information I have included here can be verified by U.S. Federal Census Records for the family in conjunction with various public records, including any documents I may upload to this memorial.
Though I can not prove with 100% certainty that this family's composition and relation status is as I display it to be, I can say that the circumstantial evidence weighs very heavily in favor of the accuracy of these stated familial connections.
*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•**•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*
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