Look not where I was
For I am not there
My spirit is free
I am everywhere
~ Carol Kufner, The Eulogy ~

One fall day of 2000 I came home to find a private message from the cat message board that Craig and I owned and maintained. A young man in Houston, Texas had found a small six month old female cat running the streets near his apartment complex and had coaxed her into his home. He kept her separated from his cats and took her to the vet as soon as he was able. The devastating news came all too soon. She tested positive for FeLV (Feline Leukemia). He couldn't keep her because of his healthy cats and asked if I knew of anyone who had a colony for FeLV that could take her.
So I researched online the Houston area for any FeLV colony. However, that same evening when I mentioned via phone the cat's story to an online friend from the Houston area, she immediately got in contact with the young man. She met him, brought the little cat into her home, gave her excellent vet care, good food, lots of toys, and much, much love. She named her Susie; I was so proud and deeply honored - a needy little cat who desperately needed a safe haven to live out the rest of her life had been named after me.
How little Susie thrived! She seemed to absolutely bloom under her new caregiver's care. During the following twelve months, Craig and I received so many letters packed with wonderful pictures of the little girl.
A few times Susie would become listless and would catch URIs (upper respiratory infections), yet always bounced back to good health. But in February, 2002 she just seemed to lose interest in all around her. She wasn't alert, no longer played, and no longer seemed to enjoy life like healthy cats do. We knew that her time was short. Finally, her caregiver had to make THE decision on March 16, 2002.
If there is one thing I could have had since knowing of her, it would have been to hold my Susie just once, to stroke her glossy coat, and to look into her beautiful green eyes. But it wasn't meant to be. Nonetheless, I'm so grateful that Susie had a chance to live a normal life in a loving, secure, and happy home.
A couple days after we lost her, I typed from one of my books of cat poems the following. It brought much comfort then, as does now. Over a decade later, it's still pinned to the cork-board beside my computer.

I Never Went Away
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
I purred to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you, that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said, "It's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew ...
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over ... I smile and watch you yawning
And say "Goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out ... then come home to be with me.
~ Author Unknown ~

Susie, I miss you so. No more updates on your playful antics, no more pictures arriving on a regular basis. But know how much you meant to Craig and me, and to your loving caregiver, who met you at the Bridge just a few short years later. You will always have a special corner deep in my heart. You will always be part of me. Until we meet at the Bridge, Little One ... my Susie, waiting for me with my Craig and my FurAngels. ❤