I have two children, about to be seniors in high school
I am currently unemployed due to a depression I cannot seem to shake or function with.
I am not now, never have been, and plan to never be married, although I have a boyfriend who probably doesn't really love me. Although maybe he does.
I am about to turn 50 years old, and I am okay with it except for one thing. Never in all my imaginings of what my life would be like at age 50 did I ever dream I would be facing it without my parents. I lost my dad in April 2010, and I still can't write those words without the tears flowing. I lost mom last year, 2013, on Valentine's Day. Both of my parents died in hospitals. They died the same horrible painful death, although each arrived at that condition via different pathways.
I was power of attorney for both. I was heart-breakingly ineffective as an advocate for both. They were there for me my entire life, and the one time they really needed me, I failed them miserably. I live with guilt and pain each day of my life as a result.
The experience I had with each of them, though mom more dramatically, taught me not to trust anything a doctor says. I was straight out lied to several times, by doctors who thought anyone who wanted to be treated for even treatable illnesses after age 70 was just being greedy. They ought to be grateful for the time they had already had, and not use resources that more important people might need. More important was synonymous with younger.
I know I should do something with the knowledge I have gained,especially considering what the cost of that knowledge was. I want to warn people about trusting doctors, and I want people to know what a DNR really means before some rabid doctor begins to pressure them day and night to sign one. I want people to know how to advocate for a parent or other loved one before it is necessary.I don't want anyone else to have to learn on the job, because quite simply, if you get it wrong, people die. I know what not to do as an advocate. I need to learn what I should have done so I can pass that on to others so that no one has to face age 50 without their parents because they lost them to ageism.

I have two children, about to be seniors in high school
I am currently unemployed due to a depression I cannot seem to shake or function with.
I am not now, never have been, and plan to never be married, although I have a boyfriend who probably doesn't really love me. Although maybe he does.
I am about to turn 50 years old, and I am okay with it except for one thing. Never in all my imaginings of what my life would be like at age 50 did I ever dream I would be facing it without my parents. I lost my dad in April 2010, and I still can't write those words without the tears flowing. I lost mom last year, 2013, on Valentine's Day. Both of my parents died in hospitals. They died the same horrible painful death, although each arrived at that condition via different pathways.
I was power of attorney for both. I was heart-breakingly ineffective as an advocate for both. They were there for me my entire life, and the one time they really needed me, I failed them miserably. I live with guilt and pain each day of my life as a result.
The experience I had with each of them, though mom more dramatically, taught me not to trust anything a doctor says. I was straight out lied to several times, by doctors who thought anyone who wanted to be treated for even treatable illnesses after age 70 was just being greedy. They ought to be grateful for the time they had already had, and not use resources that more important people might need. More important was synonymous with younger.
I know I should do something with the knowledge I have gained,especially considering what the cost of that knowledge was. I want to warn people about trusting doctors, and I want people to know what a DNR really means before some rabid doctor begins to pressure them day and night to sign one. I want people to know how to advocate for a parent or other loved one before it is necessary.I don't want anyone else to have to learn on the job, because quite simply, if you get it wrong, people die. I know what not to do as an advocate. I need to learn what I should have done so I can pass that on to others so that no one has to face age 50 without their parents because they lost them to ageism.