Thelma Irene Teel Sickler Esdaile
Times Leader September 11, 2001
This article was shared by Lorin Pardoe
Here is her life's story as written by one of her children:
https://www.geni.com/people/Thelma-Esdaile/6000000003029951611
"About Thelma Irene Esdaile
When we were children Mom would tell us how her real father was a farmer of Welsh ancestry with lots of land. He needed a family to help him run the farm so he went to the reservation with some chickens and cattle and traded them in exchange for the hand of the chiefs’ daughter in marriage. We know this was just a story she liked to tell. She knew her real mother was an Apache and the story fit with the times since the TV shows of the era were mainly cowboys and Indians. We children were fascinated by this story and she told it well.
UPDATE: After communicating with mom's niece, Nancy Bennett, and Nancy's daughter Billiejo, I find mom had some parts of the story wrong. Her father was half Mohawk and her mother full blood Mohawk. Apparently Paul had a drinking problem and was kicked out of the reservation. END UPDATE.
Mom related the story, as she knew it, about the events of her birth. The midwife, Mrs. Harvey, delivered Anna Teels 6th child in Anna’s home. Anna named the child Thelma Irene, Irene being the name of Anna’s best friend. The way the story was told made me believe that Anna lived only a short time after the birth dying of complications of childbirth. Mom told how her mother knew she was dying and also knew her husband would not be able to raise an infant alone along with 5 other young children. She asked the midwife to take Thelma and raise her as her own when the time came. From what I understand now her death may have been about a year or so after the birth and not really as a result of the birth. I am sure that as a young child I misunderstood many of the details and am also sure Mom had some of the details wrong. Nevertheless, Mom never knew her real mother. Mrs. Harvey took Thelma from her crib and she and her husband Sam raised her.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Because mom was born at home she never had a birth certificate. As a result no one knew her actual birthdate.She found this out when she needed one to marry my dad. The family could only remember it was shortly after the school year started so they settled on October 1st. Her mom passed away the following May so I guess it's possible it was complications of childbirth but combined with a bad heart from rheumatic fever. END UPDATE.
Since it was winter and very cold mom was often put in a blanket lined box used bassinette style set behind the kitchen wood stove. Along the top back of the stove was a shelf that had no ‘backsplash’ (not sure what else to call it). I am sure you are familiar with wood stoves and the lids on the surface. You had to use a metal lifting poker, the handle usually wrapped with a sort of wire, to take the lids off and put more wood inside. The end of it had a sort of a 2 pronged point to it to fit under the lid hook. When you would do this you would also use that lifting handle as a sort of poker to push the burned wood around making room for the new wood. Of course the poker would get red hot. Grandma had just finished filling the stove with wood and poking around inside. She placed the poker in its usual resting place, that shelf high on the back of the stove. It rolled right off the back and BAM! The very end of it landed on he left cheek, branding her with the prongs pointing up. The end result was a scar on her face that resembled a butterfly. He mother often said no one could ever steal mom from her because she would be able to identify her from her brand! Mom even had a nickname of Butterfly. If you look closely at some of her pictures you can see the scar as a browner area in the shape of a butterfly.
When she was still young, I am unsure of exactly how young, she was introduced to a man and told he was her real father. IN my young mind I imagined this story to take place all in one day, perhaps at a gathering like a picnic or something. But now I believe Mom meant that this happened over a short period of time. Mom told that she went to “stand by” or ‘be with’ her real father as she was instructed to do. But she cried so hard for her familiar ‘mom and dad’ that she ran back to “Daddys’” arms. I believe that this is the time that is related by you, Nancy, as when she escaped from your father, her real brother, and ran home. I can’t even imagine how heart wrenching this must have been for both your father and my mother, two sides of the same coin. From the best I can remember my mother never mentioned being made to try to rejoin her blood family again.
When mom got a bit older she went to her mom and dad ( I shall continue to call Mr. and Mrs. Harvey her mom and dad and my grandparents for the sake of the story for now.) and asked them if she could please start using the last name of Harvey. She was given permission but remained legally a Capwell.
Mom told us stories about her childhood.
Once, being very young and playing in the barn hayloft with her dolls, she built a little ‘home’ out of bales of hay. I personally remember doing the same thing myself on my Uncles farm with my cousins so I could easily imagine how much fun this was. On this particular day she brought along a cardboard box that she had colored to look like a stove. She set it up in her make-believe kitchen and proceeded to make a meal for her ‘babies’. She had real food with her and felt the need to continue with reality. Sooooo….she lit a fire underneath he box. In her Childs mind she was going to cook for real and the fire was going to stay underneath the box so she could cook on t op of it. Her father heard her screaming and trying to put out the flames. He ran into the burning building and pulled her out but lost the barn. She told this story to us kids so we would understand how a Childs mind doesn’t always see reality and so we should always listen to our parents. Of course this story stayed with me long into adulthood and I often used it, SILENTLY to remind myself that my own children could unintentionally and innocently injure themselves or others.
I don’t think mom had reached her teen years when she got caught smoking by grandpa. He decided she needed to be taught a lesson. Grandpa Harvey was never seen without a cigar in his mouth. Often it would be short and stubby and unlit butt he would be chewing the end as the day went on. Then a new one would appear and he would start again. He took mom out behind the woodshed and took out 2 cigars. “So you want to smoke do ya? Ok then, smoke something worth smoking.” He lit both cigars and stuck one in her mouth. He made her smoke the entire thing. When they went back to the house grandma had a real go at yelling at him! That night mom got sick. Actually, she got the measles! Grandma blamed grandpa for giving mom the measles! Hehehe!
Since her brothers were older mom ended up playing with her nieces and nephews, usually the nephews cuz she was a total tomboy. She played baseball and rode horses. Mom had her own horse when she was a kid as did many of her nephews. They would all go to the movies to see Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and all that sort of movies. Then they would go home and re-enact the chase scenes. Mom would ride under a tree, grab the branch and pull herself up into its branches. The horse would keep running while she hid and waited for her nephew to ride past under the branch as he chased her. Then she would drop down on his horse behind him and “capture” him. She was quite the horsewoman. She rode in rodeos doing calf roping and some trick riding and barrel racing. She gave it all up when she got married and had kids.
Once I remember we were visiting one of my dads’ sisters who had a horse farm. As we sat under the trees we could watch the horses grazing across the road in the field. One of my cousins was out riding and jumping them for a bit of exercise. There was one appaloosa he didn’t use for jumping, just for riding. Mom asked why he didn’t jump that horse. My Aunt said that the horse was stubborn and couldn’t be jumped. Mom said “Nonsense. Any horse can be made to jump.” They laughed at her. I saw that look in her eye as she stood up. “I can do it.” I forget the stakes but they did bet her she couldn’t as they had owned the horse several years and no one had jumped her. She walked away to the end of the rode and crossed over. I watched her lead the horse away. Next time I saw her she had saddled it up and was riding it round the field. I knew she was getting to know the horse. After a bit she ran it past the poles that they used for jumping. She did that few times. Then she walked the horse up to the jump and stopped in front of it a few seconds. My Aunts, Uncles, and cousins were all laughing and saying “She’ll never do it.” The chatter was not very positive for her believe me. It was as if they thought I couldn’t hear them as I sat at their feet. Mom took the horse back a ways and started running it toward the jump. As soon as they reached it the horse stopped. Mom held on and didn’t get dumped which seemed to impress the family. They felt she had done well now and could stop cuz most people would have been thrown. Mom took the horse back again and had a second run. Now the family were all saying, “Good Lord she’s gonna try again!” Same results, horse stopped. I could see everyone watching to see what mom was gonna do now. When she went for a third try they were like” That woman is crazy, She’s gonna hurt herself yet!” I watched as mom brought the horse around and started her run. As she approached the jump she gave the reign a tug and ZOOM! Over the jump they went! “Well I’ll be DAMNED” I heard that phrase over and over. I think I must have been beaming I was so glowing with pride. All I could think of was “SO THERE!” She had shown them all up.
She often talked about her best friend Lorraine. One evening she and Lorraine were walking home from somewhere. Back then that was the way kids traveled, by foot. Not like today, eh? Anyway, as they walked along chatting softly moms 2 brothers jumped out of the woods and scared them so badly that Lorraine fainted! Mom ran home crying “Lorraine is dead!” Needless to say the boys got a beating.
Now I don’t remember if it was Lorraine or another of the friends she mentioned….but she told us how her friends had all gone to a dance one night. Her brother Jim Harvey was driving. On the way home an oncoming car didn’t dim their lights dazzling Jim. They crashed killing 2 of moms’ friends. It may be that one of them was Lorrain. I don’t remember that part too well. My God, these stories are over 50 years old in my brain! Hehehe!
When she was 12 mom had a crush on one of the local Hackettstown men. He was about 45! She would flirt with him and she told how once she told him she really really liked his green tie. It was St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her the tie. He was smart enough to know she was a silly girl with a crush and told her to go home and grow up.
Then she had a boyfriend names Sal. She told us how he had a full head of blond curly hair and was the heart throb of all the local girls. But she found out he was sterile. The one thing she wanted in life more than any other dream was to have a family of her own. She had a family that loved her but she knew they weren’t really hers. It must have been so confusing for a kid, don’t you think? She determined to find a man that would give her that dream. So she asked her older brother Walt Harvey what ancestry would make the best and strongest children. He told her Germen men had strong babies.
One day she and her sister-in-law came home from shopping. In the field were her brothers playing baseball. She noticed a young man there and asked who it was. They introduced her to Phillip Sickler. BINGO! Sickler! German! I wont go into the gory details of front seat make-outs (yes mom did tell me about it when I became a mother myself, she was such a card!). Suffice it to say she made sure she got pregnant and snagged herself a German! And here I am! Hehehe! But the joke is on her. My fathers’ ancestry turns out to be French with one German in the woodpile!
At some point, I think it was after my sister was born but before my brother was born, mom took me, and I assume my sister, to meet her real sisters. I believe this was the only time mom ever sought out her real family. I remember overhearing how there was some bad feelings between some of the siblings. I remember meeting some cousins. I don’t remember the names. I don’t think we met any of her brothers so I get the feeling you were not one of the cousins I met. We spent a couple of days with them if I remember correctly. We went to a tent revival meeting. I remember after that one of the cousins told me about seeing the devil skating in her fry pan in the morning when making breakfast. Of course as I look back I think she was too young to be using a fry pan anyway! Hehehe!
Mom and Dad fought a lot. If times got too rough she would drive us to a relatives home to stay for a few months. It didn’t matter if it was her family or my dads family. She felt they were all just as responsible to help their nieces and nephews. Then she would go work 2 and 3 jobs till she saved enough to come get us. And sooner or later dad and mom would stop arguing and get back together. As a result I never went to less than 2 schools a year until I was in high school.
Mom had taught herself to play guitar when she was young. She used to sing to us kids and often would entertain us and our friends by playing and singing. She also taught herself to play harmonica. She would wear a sort of a brace around her neck to hold the harmonica to her mouth, put a tambourine on her bare feet, and play her guitar all at the same time. We kids would hoot and holler and sing the songs we knew along with her. I can still hear her voice singing “Little Playmate” and her Yodeling song. Yup, she could yodel too!
No one knew it at the time but my mother had some mental problems that eventually caught up with her. I believe many of them started coming out when she had a moment of weakness and had an affair that ended in an abortion. The guilt of it ate at her all her life. She would mention it on occasion and then either try to justify herself or berate herself for being so stupid. When I was 10 mom and dad finally divorced.
As a single mom my mom was the best she could be. She protected her children like a lioness protects her cubs. Mom would work herself till she was sick. She waitressed all hours and supported us pretty well for a single mom. She bought her own home, ok, so it was a trailer. But to her it was a palace because she owned it free and clear. The summer I was 12 mom had bought me my first pair of flip-flops. I loved them and wore them out quickly. She had to put them in the burning barrel to get them away from me. I fished their charred remains out and hid them in the car ashtray as I silently fumed. That same day she made us get dressed up nice and said she was going to introduce us to a friend of hers and she wanted us to behave and be nice. I wanted to sulk. I sat in the back seat with my secret stash of burnt flip-flops and determined I wasn’t going to smile at her friend. She drove us to town and stopped the car. The door opened up and an older gentleman with glasses and a head of silver hair got into the car. I sulked even more. A man was her friend? I didn’t get it! His name was Buzz. Year later mom showed me a green tie and told me how Buzz had given it to her when she was twelve and told her to go home and grow up. “So I did. I went home, married your father, had 3 kids, and now I am back.” They got married at some point when I was about 12/13. Buzz was a wonderful stepfather. He spoiled mom, as if she needed to be spoiled. She loved being able to buy nice things finally and did at every opportunity. He denied her nothing. But they both knew he wouldn’t be around forever. Mom sort of let me know she expected me to take care of her when he was gone. When I was 13 mom ended up in a mental hospital and I stayed with my dad that year. Mom never really came back entirely from that incident.
I met Lenny Duane in high school;. Mom had often sad to me “When you decide to get married don’t tell me just go do it.” Len and I decided to get married and told his family. His father insisted we tell mom. That night at dinner I showed her the ring and told her our plans. Later that night she followed me into the bathroom as I lay in the tub. “If you insist on getting married then you must leave this house tonight” She thought for sure I would beg to be allowed to stay and give up on the marriage. I called Len. He and his dad came and got me. Len and I went to the mayor of the town the next day and got married so no one could ever say we lived together without marriage. I called mom and she cried and was sorry for her actions. She was just trying to call my bluff but it backfired on her.
One and one half years later Buzz passed away.
Over the years mom would go into seclusion and disappear for long periods of time. Then she would show up again. Finally she ended up in Hackettstown again and I would go to her house every day to make sure she took her meds and ate. Then Len passed away. It was a tough time for me.
One day I got a call that she had been taken to the hospital. I got there to be told by the Dr. that mom had lung cancer. Mom chain smoked Kools. Now she said she had quit. She couldn’t get to the treatments so the plan was to stay at the nursing home across the street from the hospital where the treatments were to be done. She went but then refused to go across the street for her treatments. I had met Bern by this time and one day I was driving him to the airport so he could go back to his home in England when I got a call on my cell phone. Mom was rushed to the hospital coughing blood and it didn’t look like she was going to live. I dropped Bernie off at the airport, went home and gathered the family. Mom passed away a couple days later. She is buried in Washington NJ next to Buzz.
I wish she had seen the day I married Bernie. I would have liked her to know him. So much we miss out on."
Times Leader September 11, 2001
This article was shared by Lorin Pardoe
Here is her life's story as written by one of her children:
https://www.geni.com/people/Thelma-Esdaile/6000000003029951611
"About Thelma Irene Esdaile
When we were children Mom would tell us how her real father was a farmer of Welsh ancestry with lots of land. He needed a family to help him run the farm so he went to the reservation with some chickens and cattle and traded them in exchange for the hand of the chiefs’ daughter in marriage. We know this was just a story she liked to tell. She knew her real mother was an Apache and the story fit with the times since the TV shows of the era were mainly cowboys and Indians. We children were fascinated by this story and she told it well.
UPDATE: After communicating with mom's niece, Nancy Bennett, and Nancy's daughter Billiejo, I find mom had some parts of the story wrong. Her father was half Mohawk and her mother full blood Mohawk. Apparently Paul had a drinking problem and was kicked out of the reservation. END UPDATE.
Mom related the story, as she knew it, about the events of her birth. The midwife, Mrs. Harvey, delivered Anna Teels 6th child in Anna’s home. Anna named the child Thelma Irene, Irene being the name of Anna’s best friend. The way the story was told made me believe that Anna lived only a short time after the birth dying of complications of childbirth. Mom told how her mother knew she was dying and also knew her husband would not be able to raise an infant alone along with 5 other young children. She asked the midwife to take Thelma and raise her as her own when the time came. From what I understand now her death may have been about a year or so after the birth and not really as a result of the birth. I am sure that as a young child I misunderstood many of the details and am also sure Mom had some of the details wrong. Nevertheless, Mom never knew her real mother. Mrs. Harvey took Thelma from her crib and she and her husband Sam raised her.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Because mom was born at home she never had a birth certificate. As a result no one knew her actual birthdate.She found this out when she needed one to marry my dad. The family could only remember it was shortly after the school year started so they settled on October 1st. Her mom passed away the following May so I guess it's possible it was complications of childbirth but combined with a bad heart from rheumatic fever. END UPDATE.
Since it was winter and very cold mom was often put in a blanket lined box used bassinette style set behind the kitchen wood stove. Along the top back of the stove was a shelf that had no ‘backsplash’ (not sure what else to call it). I am sure you are familiar with wood stoves and the lids on the surface. You had to use a metal lifting poker, the handle usually wrapped with a sort of wire, to take the lids off and put more wood inside. The end of it had a sort of a 2 pronged point to it to fit under the lid hook. When you would do this you would also use that lifting handle as a sort of poker to push the burned wood around making room for the new wood. Of course the poker would get red hot. Grandma had just finished filling the stove with wood and poking around inside. She placed the poker in its usual resting place, that shelf high on the back of the stove. It rolled right off the back and BAM! The very end of it landed on he left cheek, branding her with the prongs pointing up. The end result was a scar on her face that resembled a butterfly. He mother often said no one could ever steal mom from her because she would be able to identify her from her brand! Mom even had a nickname of Butterfly. If you look closely at some of her pictures you can see the scar as a browner area in the shape of a butterfly.
When she was still young, I am unsure of exactly how young, she was introduced to a man and told he was her real father. IN my young mind I imagined this story to take place all in one day, perhaps at a gathering like a picnic or something. But now I believe Mom meant that this happened over a short period of time. Mom told that she went to “stand by” or ‘be with’ her real father as she was instructed to do. But she cried so hard for her familiar ‘mom and dad’ that she ran back to “Daddys’” arms. I believe that this is the time that is related by you, Nancy, as when she escaped from your father, her real brother, and ran home. I can’t even imagine how heart wrenching this must have been for both your father and my mother, two sides of the same coin. From the best I can remember my mother never mentioned being made to try to rejoin her blood family again.
When mom got a bit older she went to her mom and dad ( I shall continue to call Mr. and Mrs. Harvey her mom and dad and my grandparents for the sake of the story for now.) and asked them if she could please start using the last name of Harvey. She was given permission but remained legally a Capwell.
Mom told us stories about her childhood.
Once, being very young and playing in the barn hayloft with her dolls, she built a little ‘home’ out of bales of hay. I personally remember doing the same thing myself on my Uncles farm with my cousins so I could easily imagine how much fun this was. On this particular day she brought along a cardboard box that she had colored to look like a stove. She set it up in her make-believe kitchen and proceeded to make a meal for her ‘babies’. She had real food with her and felt the need to continue with reality. Sooooo….she lit a fire underneath he box. In her Childs mind she was going to cook for real and the fire was going to stay underneath the box so she could cook on t op of it. Her father heard her screaming and trying to put out the flames. He ran into the burning building and pulled her out but lost the barn. She told this story to us kids so we would understand how a Childs mind doesn’t always see reality and so we should always listen to our parents. Of course this story stayed with me long into adulthood and I often used it, SILENTLY to remind myself that my own children could unintentionally and innocently injure themselves or others.
I don’t think mom had reached her teen years when she got caught smoking by grandpa. He decided she needed to be taught a lesson. Grandpa Harvey was never seen without a cigar in his mouth. Often it would be short and stubby and unlit butt he would be chewing the end as the day went on. Then a new one would appear and he would start again. He took mom out behind the woodshed and took out 2 cigars. “So you want to smoke do ya? Ok then, smoke something worth smoking.” He lit both cigars and stuck one in her mouth. He made her smoke the entire thing. When they went back to the house grandma had a real go at yelling at him! That night mom got sick. Actually, she got the measles! Grandma blamed grandpa for giving mom the measles! Hehehe!
Since her brothers were older mom ended up playing with her nieces and nephews, usually the nephews cuz she was a total tomboy. She played baseball and rode horses. Mom had her own horse when she was a kid as did many of her nephews. They would all go to the movies to see Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and all that sort of movies. Then they would go home and re-enact the chase scenes. Mom would ride under a tree, grab the branch and pull herself up into its branches. The horse would keep running while she hid and waited for her nephew to ride past under the branch as he chased her. Then she would drop down on his horse behind him and “capture” him. She was quite the horsewoman. She rode in rodeos doing calf roping and some trick riding and barrel racing. She gave it all up when she got married and had kids.
Once I remember we were visiting one of my dads’ sisters who had a horse farm. As we sat under the trees we could watch the horses grazing across the road in the field. One of my cousins was out riding and jumping them for a bit of exercise. There was one appaloosa he didn’t use for jumping, just for riding. Mom asked why he didn’t jump that horse. My Aunt said that the horse was stubborn and couldn’t be jumped. Mom said “Nonsense. Any horse can be made to jump.” They laughed at her. I saw that look in her eye as she stood up. “I can do it.” I forget the stakes but they did bet her she couldn’t as they had owned the horse several years and no one had jumped her. She walked away to the end of the rode and crossed over. I watched her lead the horse away. Next time I saw her she had saddled it up and was riding it round the field. I knew she was getting to know the horse. After a bit she ran it past the poles that they used for jumping. She did that few times. Then she walked the horse up to the jump and stopped in front of it a few seconds. My Aunts, Uncles, and cousins were all laughing and saying “She’ll never do it.” The chatter was not very positive for her believe me. It was as if they thought I couldn’t hear them as I sat at their feet. Mom took the horse back a ways and started running it toward the jump. As soon as they reached it the horse stopped. Mom held on and didn’t get dumped which seemed to impress the family. They felt she had done well now and could stop cuz most people would have been thrown. Mom took the horse back again and had a second run. Now the family were all saying, “Good Lord she’s gonna try again!” Same results, horse stopped. I could see everyone watching to see what mom was gonna do now. When she went for a third try they were like” That woman is crazy, She’s gonna hurt herself yet!” I watched as mom brought the horse around and started her run. As she approached the jump she gave the reign a tug and ZOOM! Over the jump they went! “Well I’ll be DAMNED” I heard that phrase over and over. I think I must have been beaming I was so glowing with pride. All I could think of was “SO THERE!” She had shown them all up.
She often talked about her best friend Lorraine. One evening she and Lorraine were walking home from somewhere. Back then that was the way kids traveled, by foot. Not like today, eh? Anyway, as they walked along chatting softly moms 2 brothers jumped out of the woods and scared them so badly that Lorraine fainted! Mom ran home crying “Lorraine is dead!” Needless to say the boys got a beating.
Now I don’t remember if it was Lorraine or another of the friends she mentioned….but she told us how her friends had all gone to a dance one night. Her brother Jim Harvey was driving. On the way home an oncoming car didn’t dim their lights dazzling Jim. They crashed killing 2 of moms’ friends. It may be that one of them was Lorrain. I don’t remember that part too well. My God, these stories are over 50 years old in my brain! Hehehe!
When she was 12 mom had a crush on one of the local Hackettstown men. He was about 45! She would flirt with him and she told how once she told him she really really liked his green tie. It was St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her the tie. He was smart enough to know she was a silly girl with a crush and told her to go home and grow up.
Then she had a boyfriend names Sal. She told us how he had a full head of blond curly hair and was the heart throb of all the local girls. But she found out he was sterile. The one thing she wanted in life more than any other dream was to have a family of her own. She had a family that loved her but she knew they weren’t really hers. It must have been so confusing for a kid, don’t you think? She determined to find a man that would give her that dream. So she asked her older brother Walt Harvey what ancestry would make the best and strongest children. He told her Germen men had strong babies.
One day she and her sister-in-law came home from shopping. In the field were her brothers playing baseball. She noticed a young man there and asked who it was. They introduced her to Phillip Sickler. BINGO! Sickler! German! I wont go into the gory details of front seat make-outs (yes mom did tell me about it when I became a mother myself, she was such a card!). Suffice it to say she made sure she got pregnant and snagged herself a German! And here I am! Hehehe! But the joke is on her. My fathers’ ancestry turns out to be French with one German in the woodpile!
At some point, I think it was after my sister was born but before my brother was born, mom took me, and I assume my sister, to meet her real sisters. I believe this was the only time mom ever sought out her real family. I remember overhearing how there was some bad feelings between some of the siblings. I remember meeting some cousins. I don’t remember the names. I don’t think we met any of her brothers so I get the feeling you were not one of the cousins I met. We spent a couple of days with them if I remember correctly. We went to a tent revival meeting. I remember after that one of the cousins told me about seeing the devil skating in her fry pan in the morning when making breakfast. Of course as I look back I think she was too young to be using a fry pan anyway! Hehehe!
Mom and Dad fought a lot. If times got too rough she would drive us to a relatives home to stay for a few months. It didn’t matter if it was her family or my dads family. She felt they were all just as responsible to help their nieces and nephews. Then she would go work 2 and 3 jobs till she saved enough to come get us. And sooner or later dad and mom would stop arguing and get back together. As a result I never went to less than 2 schools a year until I was in high school.
Mom had taught herself to play guitar when she was young. She used to sing to us kids and often would entertain us and our friends by playing and singing. She also taught herself to play harmonica. She would wear a sort of a brace around her neck to hold the harmonica to her mouth, put a tambourine on her bare feet, and play her guitar all at the same time. We kids would hoot and holler and sing the songs we knew along with her. I can still hear her voice singing “Little Playmate” and her Yodeling song. Yup, she could yodel too!
No one knew it at the time but my mother had some mental problems that eventually caught up with her. I believe many of them started coming out when she had a moment of weakness and had an affair that ended in an abortion. The guilt of it ate at her all her life. She would mention it on occasion and then either try to justify herself or berate herself for being so stupid. When I was 10 mom and dad finally divorced.
As a single mom my mom was the best she could be. She protected her children like a lioness protects her cubs. Mom would work herself till she was sick. She waitressed all hours and supported us pretty well for a single mom. She bought her own home, ok, so it was a trailer. But to her it was a palace because she owned it free and clear. The summer I was 12 mom had bought me my first pair of flip-flops. I loved them and wore them out quickly. She had to put them in the burning barrel to get them away from me. I fished their charred remains out and hid them in the car ashtray as I silently fumed. That same day she made us get dressed up nice and said she was going to introduce us to a friend of hers and she wanted us to behave and be nice. I wanted to sulk. I sat in the back seat with my secret stash of burnt flip-flops and determined I wasn’t going to smile at her friend. She drove us to town and stopped the car. The door opened up and an older gentleman with glasses and a head of silver hair got into the car. I sulked even more. A man was her friend? I didn’t get it! His name was Buzz. Year later mom showed me a green tie and told me how Buzz had given it to her when she was twelve and told her to go home and grow up. “So I did. I went home, married your father, had 3 kids, and now I am back.” They got married at some point when I was about 12/13. Buzz was a wonderful stepfather. He spoiled mom, as if she needed to be spoiled. She loved being able to buy nice things finally and did at every opportunity. He denied her nothing. But they both knew he wouldn’t be around forever. Mom sort of let me know she expected me to take care of her when he was gone. When I was 13 mom ended up in a mental hospital and I stayed with my dad that year. Mom never really came back entirely from that incident.
I met Lenny Duane in high school;. Mom had often sad to me “When you decide to get married don’t tell me just go do it.” Len and I decided to get married and told his family. His father insisted we tell mom. That night at dinner I showed her the ring and told her our plans. Later that night she followed me into the bathroom as I lay in the tub. “If you insist on getting married then you must leave this house tonight” She thought for sure I would beg to be allowed to stay and give up on the marriage. I called Len. He and his dad came and got me. Len and I went to the mayor of the town the next day and got married so no one could ever say we lived together without marriage. I called mom and she cried and was sorry for her actions. She was just trying to call my bluff but it backfired on her.
One and one half years later Buzz passed away.
Over the years mom would go into seclusion and disappear for long periods of time. Then she would show up again. Finally she ended up in Hackettstown again and I would go to her house every day to make sure she took her meds and ate. Then Len passed away. It was a tough time for me.
One day I got a call that she had been taken to the hospital. I got there to be told by the Dr. that mom had lung cancer. Mom chain smoked Kools. Now she said she had quit. She couldn’t get to the treatments so the plan was to stay at the nursing home across the street from the hospital where the treatments were to be done. She went but then refused to go across the street for her treatments. I had met Bern by this time and one day I was driving him to the airport so he could go back to his home in England when I got a call on my cell phone. Mom was rushed to the hospital coughing blood and it didn’t look like she was going to live. I dropped Bernie off at the airport, went home and gathered the family. Mom passed away a couple days later. She is buried in Washington NJ next to Buzz.
I wish she had seen the day I married Bernie. I would have liked her to know him. So much we miss out on."
Thelma Irene Teel Sickler Esdaile
Times Leader September 11, 2001
This article was shared by Lorin Pardoe
Here is her life's story as written by one of her children:
https://www.geni.com/people/Thelma-Esdaile/6000000003029951611
"About Thelma Irene Esdaile
When we were children Mom would tell us how her real father was a farmer of Welsh ancestry with lots of land. He needed a family to help him run the farm so he went to the reservation with some chickens and cattle and traded them in exchange for the hand of the chiefs’ daughter in marriage. We know this was just a story she liked to tell. She knew her real mother was an Apache and the story fit with the times since the TV shows of the era were mainly cowboys and Indians. We children were fascinated by this story and she told it well.
UPDATE: After communicating with mom's niece, Nancy Bennett, and Nancy's daughter Billiejo, I find mom had some parts of the story wrong. Her father was half Mohawk and her mother full blood Mohawk. Apparently Paul had a drinking problem and was kicked out of the reservation. END UPDATE.
Mom related the story, as she knew it, about the events of her birth. The midwife, Mrs. Harvey, delivered Anna Teels 6th child in Anna’s home. Anna named the child Thelma Irene, Irene being the name of Anna’s best friend. The way the story was told made me believe that Anna lived only a short time after the birth dying of complications of childbirth. Mom told how her mother knew she was dying and also knew her husband would not be able to raise an infant alone along with 5 other young children. She asked the midwife to take Thelma and raise her as her own when the time came. From what I understand now her death may have been about a year or so after the birth and not really as a result of the birth. I am sure that as a young child I misunderstood many of the details and am also sure Mom had some of the details wrong. Nevertheless, Mom never knew her real mother. Mrs. Harvey took Thelma from her crib and she and her husband Sam raised her.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Because mom was born at home she never had a birth certificate. As a result no one knew her actual birthdate.She found this out when she needed one to marry my dad. The family could only remember it was shortly after the school year started so they settled on October 1st. Her mom passed away the following May so I guess it's possible it was complications of childbirth but combined with a bad heart from rheumatic fever. END UPDATE.
Since it was winter and very cold mom was often put in a blanket lined box used bassinette style set behind the kitchen wood stove. Along the top back of the stove was a shelf that had no ‘backsplash’ (not sure what else to call it). I am sure you are familiar with wood stoves and the lids on the surface. You had to use a metal lifting poker, the handle usually wrapped with a sort of wire, to take the lids off and put more wood inside. The end of it had a sort of a 2 pronged point to it to fit under the lid hook. When you would do this you would also use that lifting handle as a sort of poker to push the burned wood around making room for the new wood. Of course the poker would get red hot. Grandma had just finished filling the stove with wood and poking around inside. She placed the poker in its usual resting place, that shelf high on the back of the stove. It rolled right off the back and BAM! The very end of it landed on he left cheek, branding her with the prongs pointing up. The end result was a scar on her face that resembled a butterfly. He mother often said no one could ever steal mom from her because she would be able to identify her from her brand! Mom even had a nickname of Butterfly. If you look closely at some of her pictures you can see the scar as a browner area in the shape of a butterfly.
When she was still young, I am unsure of exactly how young, she was introduced to a man and told he was her real father. IN my young mind I imagined this story to take place all in one day, perhaps at a gathering like a picnic or something. But now I believe Mom meant that this happened over a short period of time. Mom told that she went to “stand by” or ‘be with’ her real father as she was instructed to do. But she cried so hard for her familiar ‘mom and dad’ that she ran back to “Daddys’” arms. I believe that this is the time that is related by you, Nancy, as when she escaped from your father, her real brother, and ran home. I can’t even imagine how heart wrenching this must have been for both your father and my mother, two sides of the same coin. From the best I can remember my mother never mentioned being made to try to rejoin her blood family again.
When mom got a bit older she went to her mom and dad ( I shall continue to call Mr. and Mrs. Harvey her mom and dad and my grandparents for the sake of the story for now.) and asked them if she could please start using the last name of Harvey. She was given permission but remained legally a Capwell.
Mom told us stories about her childhood.
Once, being very young and playing in the barn hayloft with her dolls, she built a little ‘home’ out of bales of hay. I personally remember doing the same thing myself on my Uncles farm with my cousins so I could easily imagine how much fun this was. On this particular day she brought along a cardboard box that she had colored to look like a stove. She set it up in her make-believe kitchen and proceeded to make a meal for her ‘babies’. She had real food with her and felt the need to continue with reality. Sooooo….she lit a fire underneath he box. In her Childs mind she was going to cook for real and the fire was going to stay underneath the box so she could cook on t op of it. Her father heard her screaming and trying to put out the flames. He ran into the burning building and pulled her out but lost the barn. She told this story to us kids so we would understand how a Childs mind doesn’t always see reality and so we should always listen to our parents. Of course this story stayed with me long into adulthood and I often used it, SILENTLY to remind myself that my own children could unintentionally and innocently injure themselves or others.
I don’t think mom had reached her teen years when she got caught smoking by grandpa. He decided she needed to be taught a lesson. Grandpa Harvey was never seen without a cigar in his mouth. Often it would be short and stubby and unlit butt he would be chewing the end as the day went on. Then a new one would appear and he would start again. He took mom out behind the woodshed and took out 2 cigars. “So you want to smoke do ya? Ok then, smoke something worth smoking.” He lit both cigars and stuck one in her mouth. He made her smoke the entire thing. When they went back to the house grandma had a real go at yelling at him! That night mom got sick. Actually, she got the measles! Grandma blamed grandpa for giving mom the measles! Hehehe!
Since her brothers were older mom ended up playing with her nieces and nephews, usually the nephews cuz she was a total tomboy. She played baseball and rode horses. Mom had her own horse when she was a kid as did many of her nephews. They would all go to the movies to see Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and all that sort of movies. Then they would go home and re-enact the chase scenes. Mom would ride under a tree, grab the branch and pull herself up into its branches. The horse would keep running while she hid and waited for her nephew to ride past under the branch as he chased her. Then she would drop down on his horse behind him and “capture” him. She was quite the horsewoman. She rode in rodeos doing calf roping and some trick riding and barrel racing. She gave it all up when she got married and had kids.
Once I remember we were visiting one of my dads’ sisters who had a horse farm. As we sat under the trees we could watch the horses grazing across the road in the field. One of my cousins was out riding and jumping them for a bit of exercise. There was one appaloosa he didn’t use for jumping, just for riding. Mom asked why he didn’t jump that horse. My Aunt said that the horse was stubborn and couldn’t be jumped. Mom said “Nonsense. Any horse can be made to jump.” They laughed at her. I saw that look in her eye as she stood up. “I can do it.” I forget the stakes but they did bet her she couldn’t as they had owned the horse several years and no one had jumped her. She walked away to the end of the rode and crossed over. I watched her lead the horse away. Next time I saw her she had saddled it up and was riding it round the field. I knew she was getting to know the horse. After a bit she ran it past the poles that they used for jumping. She did that few times. Then she walked the horse up to the jump and stopped in front of it a few seconds. My Aunts, Uncles, and cousins were all laughing and saying “She’ll never do it.” The chatter was not very positive for her believe me. It was as if they thought I couldn’t hear them as I sat at their feet. Mom took the horse back a ways and started running it toward the jump. As soon as they reached it the horse stopped. Mom held on and didn’t get dumped which seemed to impress the family. They felt she had done well now and could stop cuz most people would have been thrown. Mom took the horse back again and had a second run. Now the family were all saying, “Good Lord she’s gonna try again!” Same results, horse stopped. I could see everyone watching to see what mom was gonna do now. When she went for a third try they were like” That woman is crazy, She’s gonna hurt herself yet!” I watched as mom brought the horse around and started her run. As she approached the jump she gave the reign a tug and ZOOM! Over the jump they went! “Well I’ll be DAMNED” I heard that phrase over and over. I think I must have been beaming I was so glowing with pride. All I could think of was “SO THERE!” She had shown them all up.
She often talked about her best friend Lorraine. One evening she and Lorraine were walking home from somewhere. Back then that was the way kids traveled, by foot. Not like today, eh? Anyway, as they walked along chatting softly moms 2 brothers jumped out of the woods and scared them so badly that Lorraine fainted! Mom ran home crying “Lorraine is dead!” Needless to say the boys got a beating.
Now I don’t remember if it was Lorraine or another of the friends she mentioned….but she told us how her friends had all gone to a dance one night. Her brother Jim Harvey was driving. On the way home an oncoming car didn’t dim their lights dazzling Jim. They crashed killing 2 of moms’ friends. It may be that one of them was Lorrain. I don’t remember that part too well. My God, these stories are over 50 years old in my brain! Hehehe!
When she was 12 mom had a crush on one of the local Hackettstown men. He was about 45! She would flirt with him and she told how once she told him she really really liked his green tie. It was St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her the tie. He was smart enough to know she was a silly girl with a crush and told her to go home and grow up.
Then she had a boyfriend names Sal. She told us how he had a full head of blond curly hair and was the heart throb of all the local girls. But she found out he was sterile. The one thing she wanted in life more than any other dream was to have a family of her own. She had a family that loved her but she knew they weren’t really hers. It must have been so confusing for a kid, don’t you think? She determined to find a man that would give her that dream. So she asked her older brother Walt Harvey what ancestry would make the best and strongest children. He told her Germen men had strong babies.
One day she and her sister-in-law came home from shopping. In the field were her brothers playing baseball. She noticed a young man there and asked who it was. They introduced her to Phillip Sickler. BINGO! Sickler! German! I wont go into the gory details of front seat make-outs (yes mom did tell me about it when I became a mother myself, she was such a card!). Suffice it to say she made sure she got pregnant and snagged herself a German! And here I am! Hehehe! But the joke is on her. My fathers’ ancestry turns out to be French with one German in the woodpile!
At some point, I think it was after my sister was born but before my brother was born, mom took me, and I assume my sister, to meet her real sisters. I believe this was the only time mom ever sought out her real family. I remember overhearing how there was some bad feelings between some of the siblings. I remember meeting some cousins. I don’t remember the names. I don’t think we met any of her brothers so I get the feeling you were not one of the cousins I met. We spent a couple of days with them if I remember correctly. We went to a tent revival meeting. I remember after that one of the cousins told me about seeing the devil skating in her fry pan in the morning when making breakfast. Of course as I look back I think she was too young to be using a fry pan anyway! Hehehe!
Mom and Dad fought a lot. If times got too rough she would drive us to a relatives home to stay for a few months. It didn’t matter if it was her family or my dads family. She felt they were all just as responsible to help their nieces and nephews. Then she would go work 2 and 3 jobs till she saved enough to come get us. And sooner or later dad and mom would stop arguing and get back together. As a result I never went to less than 2 schools a year until I was in high school.
Mom had taught herself to play guitar when she was young. She used to sing to us kids and often would entertain us and our friends by playing and singing. She also taught herself to play harmonica. She would wear a sort of a brace around her neck to hold the harmonica to her mouth, put a tambourine on her bare feet, and play her guitar all at the same time. We kids would hoot and holler and sing the songs we knew along with her. I can still hear her voice singing “Little Playmate” and her Yodeling song. Yup, she could yodel too!
No one knew it at the time but my mother had some mental problems that eventually caught up with her. I believe many of them started coming out when she had a moment of weakness and had an affair that ended in an abortion. The guilt of it ate at her all her life. She would mention it on occasion and then either try to justify herself or berate herself for being so stupid. When I was 10 mom and dad finally divorced.
As a single mom my mom was the best she could be. She protected her children like a lioness protects her cubs. Mom would work herself till she was sick. She waitressed all hours and supported us pretty well for a single mom. She bought her own home, ok, so it was a trailer. But to her it was a palace because she owned it free and clear. The summer I was 12 mom had bought me my first pair of flip-flops. I loved them and wore them out quickly. She had to put them in the burning barrel to get them away from me. I fished their charred remains out and hid them in the car ashtray as I silently fumed. That same day she made us get dressed up nice and said she was going to introduce us to a friend of hers and she wanted us to behave and be nice. I wanted to sulk. I sat in the back seat with my secret stash of burnt flip-flops and determined I wasn’t going to smile at her friend. She drove us to town and stopped the car. The door opened up and an older gentleman with glasses and a head of silver hair got into the car. I sulked even more. A man was her friend? I didn’t get it! His name was Buzz. Year later mom showed me a green tie and told me how Buzz had given it to her when she was twelve and told her to go home and grow up. “So I did. I went home, married your father, had 3 kids, and now I am back.” They got married at some point when I was about 12/13. Buzz was a wonderful stepfather. He spoiled mom, as if she needed to be spoiled. She loved being able to buy nice things finally and did at every opportunity. He denied her nothing. But they both knew he wouldn’t be around forever. Mom sort of let me know she expected me to take care of her when he was gone. When I was 13 mom ended up in a mental hospital and I stayed with my dad that year. Mom never really came back entirely from that incident.
I met Lenny Duane in high school;. Mom had often sad to me “When you decide to get married don’t tell me just go do it.” Len and I decided to get married and told his family. His father insisted we tell mom. That night at dinner I showed her the ring and told her our plans. Later that night she followed me into the bathroom as I lay in the tub. “If you insist on getting married then you must leave this house tonight” She thought for sure I would beg to be allowed to stay and give up on the marriage. I called Len. He and his dad came and got me. Len and I went to the mayor of the town the next day and got married so no one could ever say we lived together without marriage. I called mom and she cried and was sorry for her actions. She was just trying to call my bluff but it backfired on her.
One and one half years later Buzz passed away.
Over the years mom would go into seclusion and disappear for long periods of time. Then she would show up again. Finally she ended up in Hackettstown again and I would go to her house every day to make sure she took her meds and ate. Then Len passed away. It was a tough time for me.
One day I got a call that she had been taken to the hospital. I got there to be told by the Dr. that mom had lung cancer. Mom chain smoked Kools. Now she said she had quit. She couldn’t get to the treatments so the plan was to stay at the nursing home across the street from the hospital where the treatments were to be done. She went but then refused to go across the street for her treatments. I had met Bern by this time and one day I was driving him to the airport so he could go back to his home in England when I got a call on my cell phone. Mom was rushed to the hospital coughing blood and it didn’t look like she was going to live. I dropped Bernie off at the airport, went home and gathered the family. Mom passed away a couple days later. She is buried in Washington NJ next to Buzz.
I wish she had seen the day I married Bernie. I would have liked her to know him. So much we miss out on."
Times Leader September 11, 2001
This article was shared by Lorin Pardoe
Here is her life's story as written by one of her children:
https://www.geni.com/people/Thelma-Esdaile/6000000003029951611
"About Thelma Irene Esdaile
When we were children Mom would tell us how her real father was a farmer of Welsh ancestry with lots of land. He needed a family to help him run the farm so he went to the reservation with some chickens and cattle and traded them in exchange for the hand of the chiefs’ daughter in marriage. We know this was just a story she liked to tell. She knew her real mother was an Apache and the story fit with the times since the TV shows of the era were mainly cowboys and Indians. We children were fascinated by this story and she told it well.
UPDATE: After communicating with mom's niece, Nancy Bennett, and Nancy's daughter Billiejo, I find mom had some parts of the story wrong. Her father was half Mohawk and her mother full blood Mohawk. Apparently Paul had a drinking problem and was kicked out of the reservation. END UPDATE.
Mom related the story, as she knew it, about the events of her birth. The midwife, Mrs. Harvey, delivered Anna Teels 6th child in Anna’s home. Anna named the child Thelma Irene, Irene being the name of Anna’s best friend. The way the story was told made me believe that Anna lived only a short time after the birth dying of complications of childbirth. Mom told how her mother knew she was dying and also knew her husband would not be able to raise an infant alone along with 5 other young children. She asked the midwife to take Thelma and raise her as her own when the time came. From what I understand now her death may have been about a year or so after the birth and not really as a result of the birth. I am sure that as a young child I misunderstood many of the details and am also sure Mom had some of the details wrong. Nevertheless, Mom never knew her real mother. Mrs. Harvey took Thelma from her crib and she and her husband Sam raised her.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Because mom was born at home she never had a birth certificate. As a result no one knew her actual birthdate.She found this out when she needed one to marry my dad. The family could only remember it was shortly after the school year started so they settled on October 1st. Her mom passed away the following May so I guess it's possible it was complications of childbirth but combined with a bad heart from rheumatic fever. END UPDATE.
Since it was winter and very cold mom was often put in a blanket lined box used bassinette style set behind the kitchen wood stove. Along the top back of the stove was a shelf that had no ‘backsplash’ (not sure what else to call it). I am sure you are familiar with wood stoves and the lids on the surface. You had to use a metal lifting poker, the handle usually wrapped with a sort of wire, to take the lids off and put more wood inside. The end of it had a sort of a 2 pronged point to it to fit under the lid hook. When you would do this you would also use that lifting handle as a sort of poker to push the burned wood around making room for the new wood. Of course the poker would get red hot. Grandma had just finished filling the stove with wood and poking around inside. She placed the poker in its usual resting place, that shelf high on the back of the stove. It rolled right off the back and BAM! The very end of it landed on he left cheek, branding her with the prongs pointing up. The end result was a scar on her face that resembled a butterfly. He mother often said no one could ever steal mom from her because she would be able to identify her from her brand! Mom even had a nickname of Butterfly. If you look closely at some of her pictures you can see the scar as a browner area in the shape of a butterfly.
When she was still young, I am unsure of exactly how young, she was introduced to a man and told he was her real father. IN my young mind I imagined this story to take place all in one day, perhaps at a gathering like a picnic or something. But now I believe Mom meant that this happened over a short period of time. Mom told that she went to “stand by” or ‘be with’ her real father as she was instructed to do. But she cried so hard for her familiar ‘mom and dad’ that she ran back to “Daddys’” arms. I believe that this is the time that is related by you, Nancy, as when she escaped from your father, her real brother, and ran home. I can’t even imagine how heart wrenching this must have been for both your father and my mother, two sides of the same coin. From the best I can remember my mother never mentioned being made to try to rejoin her blood family again.
When mom got a bit older she went to her mom and dad ( I shall continue to call Mr. and Mrs. Harvey her mom and dad and my grandparents for the sake of the story for now.) and asked them if she could please start using the last name of Harvey. She was given permission but remained legally a Capwell.
Mom told us stories about her childhood.
Once, being very young and playing in the barn hayloft with her dolls, she built a little ‘home’ out of bales of hay. I personally remember doing the same thing myself on my Uncles farm with my cousins so I could easily imagine how much fun this was. On this particular day she brought along a cardboard box that she had colored to look like a stove. She set it up in her make-believe kitchen and proceeded to make a meal for her ‘babies’. She had real food with her and felt the need to continue with reality. Sooooo….she lit a fire underneath he box. In her Childs mind she was going to cook for real and the fire was going to stay underneath the box so she could cook on t op of it. Her father heard her screaming and trying to put out the flames. He ran into the burning building and pulled her out but lost the barn. She told this story to us kids so we would understand how a Childs mind doesn’t always see reality and so we should always listen to our parents. Of course this story stayed with me long into adulthood and I often used it, SILENTLY to remind myself that my own children could unintentionally and innocently injure themselves or others.
I don’t think mom had reached her teen years when she got caught smoking by grandpa. He decided she needed to be taught a lesson. Grandpa Harvey was never seen without a cigar in his mouth. Often it would be short and stubby and unlit butt he would be chewing the end as the day went on. Then a new one would appear and he would start again. He took mom out behind the woodshed and took out 2 cigars. “So you want to smoke do ya? Ok then, smoke something worth smoking.” He lit both cigars and stuck one in her mouth. He made her smoke the entire thing. When they went back to the house grandma had a real go at yelling at him! That night mom got sick. Actually, she got the measles! Grandma blamed grandpa for giving mom the measles! Hehehe!
Since her brothers were older mom ended up playing with her nieces and nephews, usually the nephews cuz she was a total tomboy. She played baseball and rode horses. Mom had her own horse when she was a kid as did many of her nephews. They would all go to the movies to see Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and all that sort of movies. Then they would go home and re-enact the chase scenes. Mom would ride under a tree, grab the branch and pull herself up into its branches. The horse would keep running while she hid and waited for her nephew to ride past under the branch as he chased her. Then she would drop down on his horse behind him and “capture” him. She was quite the horsewoman. She rode in rodeos doing calf roping and some trick riding and barrel racing. She gave it all up when she got married and had kids.
Once I remember we were visiting one of my dads’ sisters who had a horse farm. As we sat under the trees we could watch the horses grazing across the road in the field. One of my cousins was out riding and jumping them for a bit of exercise. There was one appaloosa he didn’t use for jumping, just for riding. Mom asked why he didn’t jump that horse. My Aunt said that the horse was stubborn and couldn’t be jumped. Mom said “Nonsense. Any horse can be made to jump.” They laughed at her. I saw that look in her eye as she stood up. “I can do it.” I forget the stakes but they did bet her she couldn’t as they had owned the horse several years and no one had jumped her. She walked away to the end of the rode and crossed over. I watched her lead the horse away. Next time I saw her she had saddled it up and was riding it round the field. I knew she was getting to know the horse. After a bit she ran it past the poles that they used for jumping. She did that few times. Then she walked the horse up to the jump and stopped in front of it a few seconds. My Aunts, Uncles, and cousins were all laughing and saying “She’ll never do it.” The chatter was not very positive for her believe me. It was as if they thought I couldn’t hear them as I sat at their feet. Mom took the horse back a ways and started running it toward the jump. As soon as they reached it the horse stopped. Mom held on and didn’t get dumped which seemed to impress the family. They felt she had done well now and could stop cuz most people would have been thrown. Mom took the horse back again and had a second run. Now the family were all saying, “Good Lord she’s gonna try again!” Same results, horse stopped. I could see everyone watching to see what mom was gonna do now. When she went for a third try they were like” That woman is crazy, She’s gonna hurt herself yet!” I watched as mom brought the horse around and started her run. As she approached the jump she gave the reign a tug and ZOOM! Over the jump they went! “Well I’ll be DAMNED” I heard that phrase over and over. I think I must have been beaming I was so glowing with pride. All I could think of was “SO THERE!” She had shown them all up.
She often talked about her best friend Lorraine. One evening she and Lorraine were walking home from somewhere. Back then that was the way kids traveled, by foot. Not like today, eh? Anyway, as they walked along chatting softly moms 2 brothers jumped out of the woods and scared them so badly that Lorraine fainted! Mom ran home crying “Lorraine is dead!” Needless to say the boys got a beating.
Now I don’t remember if it was Lorraine or another of the friends she mentioned….but she told us how her friends had all gone to a dance one night. Her brother Jim Harvey was driving. On the way home an oncoming car didn’t dim their lights dazzling Jim. They crashed killing 2 of moms’ friends. It may be that one of them was Lorrain. I don’t remember that part too well. My God, these stories are over 50 years old in my brain! Hehehe!
When she was 12 mom had a crush on one of the local Hackettstown men. He was about 45! She would flirt with him and she told how once she told him she really really liked his green tie. It was St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her the tie. He was smart enough to know she was a silly girl with a crush and told her to go home and grow up.
Then she had a boyfriend names Sal. She told us how he had a full head of blond curly hair and was the heart throb of all the local girls. But she found out he was sterile. The one thing she wanted in life more than any other dream was to have a family of her own. She had a family that loved her but she knew they weren’t really hers. It must have been so confusing for a kid, don’t you think? She determined to find a man that would give her that dream. So she asked her older brother Walt Harvey what ancestry would make the best and strongest children. He told her Germen men had strong babies.
One day she and her sister-in-law came home from shopping. In the field were her brothers playing baseball. She noticed a young man there and asked who it was. They introduced her to Phillip Sickler. BINGO! Sickler! German! I wont go into the gory details of front seat make-outs (yes mom did tell me about it when I became a mother myself, she was such a card!). Suffice it to say she made sure she got pregnant and snagged herself a German! And here I am! Hehehe! But the joke is on her. My fathers’ ancestry turns out to be French with one German in the woodpile!
At some point, I think it was after my sister was born but before my brother was born, mom took me, and I assume my sister, to meet her real sisters. I believe this was the only time mom ever sought out her real family. I remember overhearing how there was some bad feelings between some of the siblings. I remember meeting some cousins. I don’t remember the names. I don’t think we met any of her brothers so I get the feeling you were not one of the cousins I met. We spent a couple of days with them if I remember correctly. We went to a tent revival meeting. I remember after that one of the cousins told me about seeing the devil skating in her fry pan in the morning when making breakfast. Of course as I look back I think she was too young to be using a fry pan anyway! Hehehe!
Mom and Dad fought a lot. If times got too rough she would drive us to a relatives home to stay for a few months. It didn’t matter if it was her family or my dads family. She felt they were all just as responsible to help their nieces and nephews. Then she would go work 2 and 3 jobs till she saved enough to come get us. And sooner or later dad and mom would stop arguing and get back together. As a result I never went to less than 2 schools a year until I was in high school.
Mom had taught herself to play guitar when she was young. She used to sing to us kids and often would entertain us and our friends by playing and singing. She also taught herself to play harmonica. She would wear a sort of a brace around her neck to hold the harmonica to her mouth, put a tambourine on her bare feet, and play her guitar all at the same time. We kids would hoot and holler and sing the songs we knew along with her. I can still hear her voice singing “Little Playmate” and her Yodeling song. Yup, she could yodel too!
No one knew it at the time but my mother had some mental problems that eventually caught up with her. I believe many of them started coming out when she had a moment of weakness and had an affair that ended in an abortion. The guilt of it ate at her all her life. She would mention it on occasion and then either try to justify herself or berate herself for being so stupid. When I was 10 mom and dad finally divorced.
As a single mom my mom was the best she could be. She protected her children like a lioness protects her cubs. Mom would work herself till she was sick. She waitressed all hours and supported us pretty well for a single mom. She bought her own home, ok, so it was a trailer. But to her it was a palace because she owned it free and clear. The summer I was 12 mom had bought me my first pair of flip-flops. I loved them and wore them out quickly. She had to put them in the burning barrel to get them away from me. I fished their charred remains out and hid them in the car ashtray as I silently fumed. That same day she made us get dressed up nice and said she was going to introduce us to a friend of hers and she wanted us to behave and be nice. I wanted to sulk. I sat in the back seat with my secret stash of burnt flip-flops and determined I wasn’t going to smile at her friend. She drove us to town and stopped the car. The door opened up and an older gentleman with glasses and a head of silver hair got into the car. I sulked even more. A man was her friend? I didn’t get it! His name was Buzz. Year later mom showed me a green tie and told me how Buzz had given it to her when she was twelve and told her to go home and grow up. “So I did. I went home, married your father, had 3 kids, and now I am back.” They got married at some point when I was about 12/13. Buzz was a wonderful stepfather. He spoiled mom, as if she needed to be spoiled. She loved being able to buy nice things finally and did at every opportunity. He denied her nothing. But they both knew he wouldn’t be around forever. Mom sort of let me know she expected me to take care of her when he was gone. When I was 13 mom ended up in a mental hospital and I stayed with my dad that year. Mom never really came back entirely from that incident.
I met Lenny Duane in high school;. Mom had often sad to me “When you decide to get married don’t tell me just go do it.” Len and I decided to get married and told his family. His father insisted we tell mom. That night at dinner I showed her the ring and told her our plans. Later that night she followed me into the bathroom as I lay in the tub. “If you insist on getting married then you must leave this house tonight” She thought for sure I would beg to be allowed to stay and give up on the marriage. I called Len. He and his dad came and got me. Len and I went to the mayor of the town the next day and got married so no one could ever say we lived together without marriage. I called mom and she cried and was sorry for her actions. She was just trying to call my bluff but it backfired on her.
One and one half years later Buzz passed away.
Over the years mom would go into seclusion and disappear for long periods of time. Then she would show up again. Finally she ended up in Hackettstown again and I would go to her house every day to make sure she took her meds and ate. Then Len passed away. It was a tough time for me.
One day I got a call that she had been taken to the hospital. I got there to be told by the Dr. that mom had lung cancer. Mom chain smoked Kools. Now she said she had quit. She couldn’t get to the treatments so the plan was to stay at the nursing home across the street from the hospital where the treatments were to be done. She went but then refused to go across the street for her treatments. I had met Bern by this time and one day I was driving him to the airport so he could go back to his home in England when I got a call on my cell phone. Mom was rushed to the hospital coughing blood and it didn’t look like she was going to live. I dropped Bernie off at the airport, went home and gathered the family. Mom passed away a couple days later. She is buried in Washington NJ next to Buzz.
I wish she had seen the day I married Bernie. I would have liked her to know him. So much we miss out on."
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