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|Diane ღ||Bonnie (thank you)|
She told me many times over that I was her reason for being. That she was here for me. To comfort me in the dark of night when I was missing my Mother so badly.
There she was with her head on my leg looking up and encouraging me not to just shut down but to continue, to continue with her. The two years passed and I made it though my Mother's 2nd Angel day the 12 of August. Bonnie went to the cemetery with me like she always did. Laid down in the grass and just watched.
Those moments in your life when silence is not silence at all, it 's a whirl wind of time and energy that is in your head, thoughts and memories come back and even though the time has passed on this earth, you travel back to the minutes of life leading up to that loss.
My Mother knew Bonnie. She loved her soft locks of hair and looking into her all knowing eyes. When Mom was sick Bonnie would stay close by. Bonnie would get up and holding her body just right where Mother could reach her head and touch her. Bonnie was only about 7 months old but her spirit was mature somehow, almost angelic.
That fact that she died on Sept 12 one month after my Mom's 2nd Angel Day is perplexing to me. I re-live the accident and in my mind it is no longer an accident. Her time with me was over. She was going back to God. She had accomplished her mission to get me through this time and was being called home to the Father.
I have always thought that out fur babies are given to us from above. Chosen to be just the right one to come and give unconditional love and then return home. Maybe all along to teach us that we have to have faith that it is not the end but only a pause in eternity until we are all reunited with our loved ones again.
Nothing hurts worse that this separation, nothing causes more questions to our minds as to why. I keep asking why...what I get back is, "Diane...God never takes any thing away that he does not replace with something better." All you have to do is be open and look for it.
The pain in my heart is heavy and I still question why...but is now with "hope" that when the next gift comes along I will snap it up and once again start the process of seeing angelic incarnations in a new fur friend. To once again have that unconditional love, that creates unconditional love in my heart back to my fur baby.
There will never be another Bonnie. She was here as my angel and has returned home. I can only wait until I see what He will send me next. The tears are here but I wait and trust that in his time a little pup will lick my tears away and tell me once again..."Mom it's going to be Ok...were going to have a blast...and this time I am staying a long, long time."
Thank you for caring, this journey has been made better because you were a part of it. Better because you cared, better because it is always easier to stand together than stand alone.
Added by Diane ღ on Sep 14, 2011 11:57 PM