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A special Thanksgiving Greeting to ME, yes Me! I am so grateful for Me, the undisputed King of FAG Land! Arrrgggghhh!|
To celebrate the occasion, my minions and I are attending an all you can drink buffet at Lena Johnson's house, just down the street from my double wide trailer. Why eat turkey when you can drink a glass of Old Turkey?
A special blessing this year is to be thankful everyone who reads this can visit a cemetery vs being a permanent resident! :-(
So, let's celebrate life and all we have accumulated in material stuff. Yah gotta remember that the one who has the most stuff wins in the Saga of Life on Mother Earth.
Thanksgiving, a time to see all the turkeys in your family gathered around the table. Be sure to separate the left from the right, no political discussions with Uncle Ernie. And don't try to convert anyone to your religious view of life. Simply talk football and the weather for a peaceful day with family and friends. (Fighting can resume tomorrow.)
Attention fellow dweebs out there in FAG Land. If I did a duplicate, shame on me. If you did a duplicate, shame on you. A great thing about this site is that there is plenty of shame to pass around!
Hey Punky, if I goofed up, don't take it too personal! Sometimes a Russian teen hacks my FAG site and enters duplicates, errors, and general mayhem. Thus, anything you may find incorrect is NOT MY FAULT!
Simply let me know in a kind manner and I will immediately, if not sooner, revise, correct, or destroy what is wrong. (I have a patent pending on my new project called the Laser Guided Missle FAG Corrector Wand.) To be sold for limited time only for $19.95 in stores everywhere.
Hey! Ever heard of a "pre needs Memorial"? Evidently it is when you create a memorial prior to the person's death. Sooooo, let's not hurry anyone onto the FAG Memorial pages until they actually qualify as deceased. Would it be too much to ask to have everyone review their memorials and eliminate the pre-needs people?
Imagine going onto FAG and finding your own memorial? This could cause post traumatic death syndrome. (Maybe better described as pre traumatic death syndrome.)
Soooo, please save a life and eliminate those pre-need memorials. It's the right thing to do. Do Be Do Be Do!
Epitaph by Edna St. Vincent Millay:
Heap not on the mound
Roses that she loved so well;
Why bewilder her with roses
That she cannot see or smell?
She is happy where she lies
With the dust upon her eyes.
Lament by Millay:
Your father is dead.
From his old coats
I'll make you little jackets;
I'll make you little trousers
From his old pants.
There'll be in his pockets
Things he used to put there,
Keys and pennies
Covered with tobacco;
Dan shall have the pennies
To save in his bank;
Anne shall have the keys
To make a pretty noise with.
Life must go on,
And the dead be forgotten;
Life must go on,
Though good men die;
Anne, eat your breakfast;
Dan, take your medicine;
Life must go on;
I forget just why.
As for life here in Minnesotah, land of 10,000 snow storms, life goes on. Halloween festivities are planned at the local cemetery this year. Kick-off starts with a parade and hayrides, dunking tank, and cow pie tossing contest. (A special thank you to the bulls at Phil Yoder's farm for the pies. That is where they get the expression Bull ____!)
This year the cemetery has decided to promote burial plot sales. Remaining plots are outlined in markers like a police crime scene. Shopper's can check out the locations and views provided. Some call this a chance in a life time, so don't delay as prices may be going up. Current price is $300 per plot, For limited time only, if you wish to be buried by your spouse, two lots of $595.)
Local funeral homes are offering free hearse rides for families. They got this idea from the local fire department. Seems odd to see whole families packed into a hearse riding up and down through the cemetery. This whole deal is so popular, the local undertaker said he is renting a couple hearses from the neighboring community to handle the overflow crowds. Last year there was shoving and fisty cuffs because of locals trying to cut the line. Officer, McGreedy and his deputy Virgil Finn are going to be on duty to keep everyone orderly. (Hey Virgil, you were named after fish parts!)
Last year some tomb stones got knocked over by Elmer Johnson's cattle. Elmer has a fence that resembles Swiss Cheese, it has so many holes in it. Thus, after the open house festivities are over, Elmer will be demonstrating to the crowd how to stand up stone monuments with his John Deere Diesel 720. He is bringing along his log chain and loader bucket, plus his trusty dog, Dougie Dog.
There is no place on earth like the annual cemetery open house here in my neck of the woods. If ya can make it, stop by and enjoy yourself. (Moonshine and brats served at the local church basement.)
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