|Birth: ||Jul. 25, 2002|
St. Clair County
|Death: ||Jul. 28, 2007|
St. Clair County
Noah Michael, is my son.
He passed away as the result of a terrible car accident that happened in a parking lot the day after his 5th birthday.
~~~~ THANK YOU ~~~~~
Thank you to everyone who has sent messages to me since I first started this account. I really appreciate it. It warms my heart and lifts me up to know that my son will not be forgotten.
A special thanks to JUEL For sponsoring Noah. That day...I got my own debit card out and was getting ready to click that button to submit but JUEL beat me too it. Thank you SOO much.
The Story of the accident
July 26, 2007 - July 28, 2007
I don't know how to start this. Maybe that is why it's taken me so long come to this point of putting it down on paper. Looking back in my memory files, I realize that I don't have a lot of memory of that day. Not of the little stuff. I don't even remember what day of the week it was. Thursday I think. July 26, 2007.
There was a buzz in the air that morning. Everyone was excited. Noah just celebrated his 5th birthday the day before, and he was anxious to play with his new scooter. I had a lot of things to do.
Noah had some birthday cake for breakfast. Sure! Why not. I didn't want to fuss and argue that day. Happy as a lark he was.
I filled up the back of the van with boxes of kitchen stuff to bring to the new house. Noah added a couple of things to put in his new room. The girls helped.
I brought several loads of small things down to the new house that morning. Setting everything up just right. The bigger stuff would come later when Travis could get off work and we could rent a truck.
I remember backing into the double garage with a little bit of difficulty because the driveway was curved. I didn't think much about it.
I couldn't bring much in the van because everything had to be weighed so we could get paid from the Air Force for this move. So I headed back home where all the kids in the Cul-de-sac were playing. It was a beautiful, sunny day.
All the kids got out of the road. I had my windows rolled down and I could hear the older kids shout, "Car". Everyone would dart into the yards and wait for the car to go by and park. They had a good system going.
I backed the van up to the house and parked it. Noah was playing on his new bright colored scooter.
I walked down the driveway to check the mail and saw Noah at the top of the driveway, beside the van getting ready to take off like a rocket down my way towards the road.
I ran up beside him and gave him a "Smoochie" and told him "I love you." "Thanks Mom" he said, and away he went. I will be forever glad I said that to him.
The girls were fussing in the house. That was nothing unusual. We were watching a friends dog. I had forgotten about that until just now. Lucky was the dogs name, and he happened to be hanging hanging out at our place so I didn't have to go back and forth to let him out.
This is where I draw a blank some.
I just remember after coming home, that I went upstairs in my room and laid down in bed. I was tired already, and the thought of all the work ahead of me for that day made me even more tired. My ear bothered me. It was plugged and in a little pain. I thought I was getting an ear infection.
Travis came home. Noah was excited and followed him up the stairs to where I was. He wanted to talk about the money he got for his birthday. $30.00 is a lot of money to a 5 year old.
I heard Noah tell his dad…" You know dad I'm richer than YOU! I have a Million Dollars!"
Travis asked him what he was going to do with that Million Dollars. Noah said he was going to buy Orange Tick-Tacks. His favorite treat to get when he went to the Shoppette with his Dad. We all got a great laugh out of that. Noah climbed on the bed with me, and Travis started changing his cloths. Sooner or later Noah was told to go play outside. Travis and I made plans to go get the truck. Travis knew of a place to rent trucks in the town, not too far away. I kind of dreaded getting up off the bed, because I really didn't feel well. But I did. I was excited to move into the new house, and there was a lot to be done.
I told the girls that we were going to go get the truck, and that I would have to drive the Van so their dad could drive the truck back.
I was outside by the van when I asked Beth if she would watch Noah. She didn't want to and Noah wanted to go with us. I was perfectly fine with him going with us. I didn't mind at all. It shouldn't take long after all.
Noah was excited. He was dressed in new cloths that he got from Gramma, and told me after he got buckled into his seat that he "Looked Hot". Something he undoubtedly picked up from his sisters.
Just off the base Noah wanted my attention and started in with the annoying "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" routine until I answered him. I had been talking to Travis who was in the seat next to me.
When we pulled into the truck rental place I wondered if the place even rented trucks, because it looked more like a place that just had storage units to rent. I didn't see any trucks. The parking lot was covered with white rocks. They crunched when I drove over them and parked. Travis got out and went in to do business.
Noah hummed and chattered away behind me in his car seat. It was taking longer than he thought it should so he unbuckled his seat-belt and walked up to stand next to me while I was sitting in the drivers seat. Noah asked where we were, and I told him this is the place where we are going to borrow a truck so we can take all our stuff to the new empty house. Satisfied with that he wanted to go in and be with his Dad.
I told him that was fine, and I would watch him walk to the door. He went in and I called my mother on the phone to tell her that we were moving that day, and we talked a little bit. I saw Travis come out of the building. There was a vehicle on both sides of the van. So I couldn't see Travis after a couple of seconds. I figured Noah was with Travis. Happily trotting behind him.
Some time went by and I saw a Travis driving the moving truck in my rear-view mirror. I thought they were ready to go, because it looked like Travis was setting up the truck to pull out into traffic. I assumed that Noah was in the truck with Travis. But Travis had told him to go wait by the doors to the building. I told my mother that I had to go, because Travis was getting ready to leave. I snapped my celphone shut and threw it in the empty seat next to me.
I put the van in reverse, threw my arm over the passenger side seat and backed out of the parking spot by looking out the back window.
I heard a bump. I thought it sounded like I ran over a box, but I thought to myself I hadn't gotten out of the van to put a box behind the van. Suddenly I realized what might have happened, quickly, faster than I could ever explain, I threw the van in drive and parked it again in the spot it was in. Terrified, I jumped out of the van and ran to the back of it. I could hear Travis screaming "NO" as he got out of the truck.
Noah was laying on his belly with his head turned to the left side on the hot rocks that made the parking lot. I tried to pick Noah up, but Travis screamed for me not to. Noah was then on his back, unconscious. I ran into the building where I screamed for someone to call 911! I couldn't speak anything but that. "My son has been hurt, call 911"
I know someone called, I remember seeing them calmly talking on the phone, but I couldn't calm down. Travis stayed with Noah, shading his head from the sun. I could not compose myself and ended up crumpled on the floor in the building screaming.
It seemed like it took a very long time for the ambulance to come. I couldn't watch when they did get there. I was far too out of it. I know they took Noah into the ambulance and they were breathing for him and doing what they could until the helicopter got there. Again it seemed to take a long time. I didn't feel like we had this kind of time to waist waiting…Something had to be done. I tried to go in the ambulance to keep a eye on my boy, but the police officer wouldn't let me. He told me it would be better for Noah if I was not in there while I was so upset. Travis was talking with another police officer. I went back into the building. I think I passed out. Blood was on the walls. My glasses were gone. A police officer came in and talked to me. I remember telling him that I didn't see Noah. I didn't know he was there! He tried to comfort me, but I think I was beyond needing a pat on the back. I heard the helicopter coming. Before it landed in the road, I tried to see Noah again. The officer standing by the ambulance still would not let me get in. The wind from the helicopter kicked up a lot of dust. Quickly they moved Noah from the ambulance to the helicopter and away he went to Childrens hospital in St. Louis. I was left feeling panicked with a strong need to GO! I needed to GO to the hospital. But we could not drive because Both Travis and I were too upset. Someone from Travis's office came to drive us to the hospital. By this time, almost everyone who needed to know what happened knew. The drive to the hospital was painfully long. I just cried.
When we got to the hospital I plowed through the front doors, Travis was behind me with my purse. I didn't even realize I had gone through a security check point until Travis told me to wait up. He was stuck there. I remember just grabbing my purse and going through without doing what ever I was suppose to do. I didn't care. I just needed to get to my son! I asked someone?? Somewhere?? Where Noah Allen was. They knew who he was and was expecting us. I remember being led to a small waiting room. No one else was in there. It was quiet. Just Travis and myself. I sunk to the floor. Travis stood crying. I couldn't be still. I had to do something. I hugged Travis, and he embraced me back. I didn't want to be in that room. I couldn't believe what just happened. I don't know how much time had passed when someone came in and gave us a update, and told us that Noah was in a comma. I was somehow relieved that at least he was sleeping and not feeling any pain. She took us to the trauma room where they were working on Noah. They were getting him ready to have a CT scan done, and bring him into surgery.
My poor boy lay there on that bed. A nurse breathing for him, and other nurses and doctors rushing around fussing over things I couldn't even begin to understand. I felt better that I was with Noah. I had decided that he was going to be OK. And we are just going to have a long road of recovery. He might never be the same, but at least I would still have my son.
I don't remember if they took him away, or if we were taken out of the room. I do remember being back in that little waiting room. In defiance I stood just outside of the door. I wanted to see everything that was going on.
A nurse approached me and asked if I was Dawn Allen. Just like in the movies, I started crying. I thought she was going to tell me that Noah had passed away. I didn't recognize her as one of my friends until she told me who she was. Travis had no idea who she was because he had never met her. She just happened to be working in the ER that day.
It was time to go to another waiting room on another floor. Because Noah was going into surgery. The next thing I remember is being wheeled out of a different ER room where I was admitted as a patient. Evidently in the elevator on our way up to the next floor I passed out. From what I understand I was not a very good patient that day. I just wanted to go to Noah.
When Travis wheeled me out of the room there was a lot of people from the base there to support us. I remember seeing them and feeling comforted by the fact that they were all there. Time must have passed because the next thing I remember was being in a conference type room with a lot of people from the base, and Pastor Doug from the church. Everyone introduced themselves. I remember that most everyone who was there, was Pastors, Fathers, and the such. We were waiting to talk to the doctor.
We didn't wait very long. The doctors came in the room. Still in their surgical garb.
The only thing I remember is one doctor telling Travis and I was that Noah was a very sick little boy. Everything after that is a blur.
Noah was in Childrens ICU, being kept alive with life support.
During the next couple of days Family showed up from out of state, and we had a huge amount of support from the base, and the local church we attended. There was always two people at the hospital with us for the whole time we were there. Sometimes more.
I hardly left Noah's bed, as his body continually got worse.
Finally on Saturday, July 28th 2007, tests had shown that Noah's brain was no longer functioning. We had life support turned off. Family and friends gathered around his bed. Noah's "million dollars" and his Orange Tick Tacks lay next to him. We all said our goodbye's.
A Bereaved Parents Wish List
1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
10. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
11. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
13. When I say "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
15. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
16. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
18. I wish very much that you could understand; understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT I pray daily that you will never understand.
Created by: Dawn Allen
Record added: Nov 03, 2009
Find A Grave Memorial# 43875371