|Birth: ||Jan. 6, 1948|
New York County (Manhattan)
New York, USA
|Death: ||Oct. 5, 1989|
This page is a small bit of love dedicated to the lasting memory of my mom.
During her 41 years, Pam was a loving daughter, sister and mother. She made several life long friends, married and had a child. She traveled, taught and inspired other people like herself, diagnosed with M.S.
My mom faced many hardships and there were some undeniable sadness in her life. But in the end her infectious warmth, laughter and love of people never disappeared. She adored being alive and chuckling at the small ironies that came day to day. Pam always laughed, no matter how sour the lemons and as a Mom, she instilled a strong sense of caring and compassion for others deep inside me, that remains still, many years later. I know she'd be touched by all of you who stopped by to read about her and would be equally curious to know about your lives, if she could. That's the kind of person that she was.
It's worth mentioning that my mom never talked about the possibility of losing her battle or not being around one day. Maybe she was in denial or just didn't see the writing on the wall. Or maybe on some deep level it was too painful for her to talk about. Growing up without her was excruciating and sometimes I wish more than anything that she would have sat me down and had a conversation with me about this. Something that I could have clung to through years that have not always been kind or easy. What's left is an assorted menagerie of her. I can still remember her fingers, her soft pink nail polish and her charm bracelet. The way she sort of bit her bottom lip when she smiled and how her eyes squinted and reflected such joy. The way she placed her hands on her lap and leaned slightly forward when she sat on the couch. I have these and a handful of other clear memories but the rest is part of the past. The idea that she was gone - is gone - from this world sometimes hurts more than my heart can bear. Still, I try to breathe and understand that in some small way, my mom has become part of a larger network of energy and I believe, in my heart that her soul is alive somewhere peaceful, beyond my comprehension and that though she is indeed gone and I cannot find her, that she did at one time exist here and must have, at least through me and those she loved, left some kind of indelible mark.
In truth, I have turned out to be not the happiest, kindest person at times. Her loss and watching her fade, with some unkind years that followed, hurt me more than most who know me realize. Deep within me, I have such a sweet, generous and people loving side. I know that part of me and it's a gift that I am certain my mom gave me before she was taken. But it gets buried too often by the pain and what comes out is a harder, hurt and defensive side. My prayer is that I can reclaim the sweetness my mom showed me early and the lesson to make friends easily wherever I go. If I can focus on that, then to me a piece of her is still alive and that's no small prize. Sometimes, I feel she quietly from somewhere beyond sees me struggle and the lesson, the goal, is to remember her strengths, if I remember nothing else, and by this memory, I can honor her and myself, both of us, in how I treat others, with love and compassion and laughter, as she at her best did with such ease.
United Hebrew Brotherhood Cemetery
Created by: Anonymous
Record added: Jun 29, 2001
Find A Grave Memorial# 5579756