|Birth: ||Jul. 17, 2003|
|Death: ||Dec. 11, 2005|
The time has come for me to write a more personal memorial for my Chucklebunny, so here goes.
When my daughter got pregnant with Brendon she was still living at home. Sadly she and her boyfriend split before Brendon was born, he wasn't really interested.
Brendon was born by emergency c-section 11 weeks early, due to the midwife not being able to find his heartbeat. That's when we found out that he had heart problems. He weighed in at 4 1/2lbs...an excellent weight for a premature baby. It turned out that his heart only had 3 chambers instead of 4.
He spent his first few weeks in intensive care, where we would sit with him everyday. Eventually he came home and l must say that apart from his medication and special baby milk, Brendon seem like any other baby.
It was obvious from the start that my daughter was not very maternal towards Brendon, she said she couldn't bond with him. So it was grandma (me), who got up every night with him, fed him, gave him his medication etc. And l loved every minute of it. l couldn't of loved him more if l'd given birth to him myself, in essence, he was mine.
As he got older it was decided that he needed a heart by-pass, and a pace maker because his heart rate, and oxygen levels were very low.
He was 13 months old when he had the operation. It seemed to go well, and he was home soon afterwards. But then a week later l could see something was wrong, it turned out that his lungs were full of liquid, so it was back to hospital. He spent 6 weeks there having his lungs drained.
From then on he spent more time in hospital than at home. Albert, and myself spent as much time there as we could. l often stayed overnight with him. Also after his op he suffered with fits, liver failure and various other ailments.
In spite of everything Brendon was a happy, lovable little boy, all the nurses loved him, and were so good to him. He was frightened of doctors, understandably, because every time he saw one he'd have a needle stuck in him for something or other.
He was also terrified of gloves, l think that was because the doctors put surgical gloves on before they put the needles in him. lt got so bad, that he was frightened of anyone wearing any type of gloves. His funeral was in December, and it was cold but l requested that nobody wear gloves!
The last time Brendon came out of hospital l knew he still wasn't well. He couldn't settle, kept crying, which wasn't usual for him. l tried everything to cheer him up.
On Saturday l told his mum that l wanted to take him back to hospital, but she said he was just playing up because l'd spoiled him...regretfully, l listened to her, and didn't take him.
The next morning Sunday December 11th, was a beautiful sunny but cold day. Brendon still wasn't happy so l asked if he wanted to play on his beloved bike, he said yes. l should mention that although Brendon was 2 1/2, he couldn't walk, he wasn't strong enough and was still very much a baby due to all his problems.
l got him dressed and wrapped up warm, took him into the garden and sat him on his bike. l pushed him a few yards, and then he cried like l'd never heard him do before, not a loud cry, and he looked up at me with the saddest face.
l picked him up to cuddle him and he just died in my arms, but l didn't realise, l thought he was having a fit (his fits consisted of him going into a trance, very still and barely breathing. We always had to dial 999 for an ambulance when he had one due to his heart).
l told his mum to lie him down while l rang 999. She panicked saying he wasn't breathing, and so did l.
Crying my eyes out and panicking, l gave him mouth to mouth, it made no difference. At the hospital there were 7 doctors, and numerous nurses working on him, but l knew when l saw the nurses crying that it was no good, he'd gone and l'd failed him. If only l'd taken him to hospital the day before. I'll never forgive myself for that, and l live with it everyday.
Myself and Albert washed and dressed Brendon, and then l sat in the hospital room for 5 hours just holding him, he looked asleep, l felt sure that he would wake up any moment.
How could my beautiful Chucklebunny be dead, l thought. But l could feel him getting colder and that's when l realized he would never again smile at me or call me 'mamma'.
Eventually a nurse came, and said that Brendon had to go. Go where, l asked. To the morgue she said...oh my God, my baby can't go down there l said. She said she was getting a porter to take him down, l said, no way. l'm not having a stranger taking him, l'll take him myself. So l did.
That was very surreal. l wrapped Brendon in a blanket, and walked through the hospital with him, even getting into a lift full of people visiting their loved ones. Little did they know that l was carrying a dead child, they probably thought he was asleep.
l could feel the cold from the mortuary before the doors opened. A nurse came out to take him from me, but l couldn't let him go...how could l send my baby into that freezing cold place? l stood there a long time before finally handing him over, it was the hardest thing l've ever had to do in my life.
We buried him 2 days before Christmas, 23rd December. l don't remember much about that day because l couldn't stop crying, but l do know that as requested, nobody wore gloves even though it was freezing cold.
My only consolation is knowing that Brendon, and Albert are together in heaven, and that one day we will all be together again.
Brendon you have a handsome little brother named Taylon, who talks about you often, and loves you very much, even though he never had the pleasure of knowing you. Whenever he has a balloon he sends it up to heaven for you along with his love, hugs, and kisses.
We love and miss you so much Chucklebunny.
A very special thank you to 'S' for sponsoring Brendon's memorial.
I WANT TO THANK ALL YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO TAKE THE TIME TO VISIT MY HANDSOME LITTLE CHUCKLEBUNNY...MAY THE SAINTS BLESS YOU ALL.
Lentons Lane Cemetery
Metropolitan Borough of Coventry
West Midlands, England
Created by: Legsie11
Record added: Feb 01, 2013
Find A Grave Memorial# 104492376